第1章

AboutAFAIRPENITENT

ThisstoryfirstappearedinCharlesDickens\'magazine，\"HouseholdWords，\"volume16，number382，July18，1857。Publishedanonymously，asallcontributionstothemagazinewere，itwasattributeddefinitelytoWilkieCollinsbyAnneLohrliinheranalysisofthemagazine\'sfinanacialaccounts。Intheoriginal，thereisanacuteaccentoverthefinal\"e\"of\"Rance\"；\"TheatreFrancois\"shouldhaveanacuteaccentoverthefirst\"e\"，acircumflexaccentoverthefirst\"a\"，andacedillaunderthe\"c\"。

AFAIRPENITENT

CharlesPineauDucloswasaFrenchwriterofbiographiesandnovels，wholivedandworkedduringthefirsthalfoftheeighteenthcentury。Heprosperedsufficientlywell，asaliteraryman，tobemadesecretarytotheFrenchAcademy，andtobeallowedtosucceedVoltaireintheofficeofhistoriographerofFrance。Hehasleftbehindhim，inhisowncountry，thereputationofalivelywriterofthesecondclass，whoaddressedthepublicofhisdaywithfairsuccess，andwho，sincehisdeath，hasnottroubledposteritytotakeanyparticularnoticeofhim。

AmongthepapersleftbyDuclos，twomanuscriptswerefound，whichheprobablyintendedtoturntosomeliteraryaccount。ThefirstwasabriefMemoir，writtenbyhimself，ofaFrenchwoman，namedMademoiselleGautier，whobeganlifeasanactressandwhoendeditasaCarmelitenun。Thesecondmanuscriptwasthelady\'sownaccountoftheprocessofherconversion，andofthecircumstanceswhichattendedhermoralpassagefromthestateofasinnertothestateofasaint。TherearecertainnationalpeculiaritiesinthecharacterofMademoiselleGautierandinthenarrativeofherconversion，whichareperhapsinterestingenoughtobereproducedwithsomechanceofpleasingthepresentday。

Itappears，fromtheaccountgivenofherbyDuclos，thatMademoiselleGautiermadeherappearanceonthestageoftheTheatreFrancoisintheyearseventeenhundredandsixteen。Sheisdescribedasahandsomewoman，withafinefigure，afreshcomplexion，alivelydisposition，andaviolenttemper。Besidespossessingcapacityasanactress，shecouldwriteverygoodverses，shewascleveratpaintinginminiature，and，mostremarkablequalityofall，shewaspossessedofprodigiousmuscularstrength。ItisrecordedofMademoiselle，thatshecouldrollupasilverplatewithherhands，andthatshecoveredherselfwithdistinctioninatrialofstrengthwithnolessapersonthanthefamoussoldier，MarshalSaxe。

NobodywhoisatallacquaintedwiththesocialhistoryoftheeighteenthcenturyinFrance，needbetoldthatMademoiselleGautierhadalonglistoflovers，——forthemostpart，personsofquality，marshals，counts，andsoforth。Theonlyman，however，whoreallyattachedhertohim，wasanactorattheTheatreFrancois，afamousplayerinhisday，namedQuinaultDufresne。MademoiselleGautierseemstohavelovedhimwithalltheardourofhernaturallypassionatedisposition。Atfirst，hereturnedheraffection；but，assoonassheventuredtotestthesincerityofhisattachmentbyspeakingofmarriage，hecooledtowardsherimmediately，andtheconnectionbetweenthemwasbrokenoff。Inallherformerlove-affairs，shehadbeennotedforthehightonewhichsheadoptedtowardsheradmirers，andforthedespoticauthoritywhichsheexercisedoverthemeveninhergayestmoments。ButtheseveranceofherconnectionwithQuinaultDufresnewoundedhertoherheart。Shehadlovedthemansodearly，hadmadesomanysacrificesforhim，hadcountedsofondlyonthedevotionofherwholefuturelifetohim，thatthefirstdiscoveryofhiscoldnesstowardsherbrokeherspiritatonceandforever。Shefellintoaconditionofhopelessmelancholy，lookedbackwithremorseandhorroratherpastlife，andabandonedthestageandthesocietyinwhichshehadlived，toendherdaysrepentantlyinthecharacterofaCarmelitenun。

Sofar，herhistoryisthehistoryofhundredsofotherwomenbeforehertimeandafterit。Theprominentinterestofherlife，forthestudentofhumannature，liesinthestoryofherconversion，astoldbyherself。Thegreaterpartofthenarrative——everypageofwhichismoreorlesscharacteristicoftheFrenchwomanoftheeighteenthcentury——maybegiven，withcertainsuppressionsandabridgments，inherownwords。

Thereaderwillobserve，attheoutset，onecuriousfact。MademoiselleGautierdoesnotsomuchashintattheinfluencewhichthelossofherloverhadindisposinghermindtoreflectonserioussubjects。ShedescribesherconversionasifithadtakenitsriseinasuddeninspirationfromHeaven。EventhenameofQuinaultDufresneisnotoncementionedfromoneendofhernarrativetotheother。

Onthetwenty-fifthofApril，seventeenhundredandtwenty-two（writesMademoiselleGautier），whileIwasstillleadingalifeofpleasure——accordingtotheperniciousideasofpleasurewhichpasscurrentintheworld——Ihappentoawake，contrarytomyusualcustom，betweeneightandnineo\'clockinthemorning。Irememberthatitismybirthday；Iringformypeople；andmymaidanswersthebell，alarmedbytheideathatIamill。ItellhertodressmethatImaygotomass。

IgototheChurchoftheCordeliers，followedbymyfootman，andtakingwithmealittleorphanwhomIhadadopted。Thefirstpartofthemassiscelebratedwithoutattractingmyattention；but，atthesecondparttheaccusingvoiceofmyconsciencesuddenlybeginstospeak。\"Whatbringsyouhere？\"itsays。\"DoyoucometorewardGodformakingyoutheattractivepersonthatyouare，bymortallytransgressingHislawseverydayofyourlife？\"Ihearthatquestion，andIamunspeakablyoverwhelmedbyit。IquitthechaironwhichIhavehithertobeenleaningcarelessly，andIprostratemyselfinanagonyofremorseonthepavementofthechurch。

Themassover，Isendhomethefootmanandtheorphan，remainingbehindmyself，plungedininconceivableperplexity。AtlastIrousemyselfonasudden；Igotothesacristy；Idemandamassformyownproperadvantageeveryday；Ideterminetoattenditregularly；and，afterthreehoursofagitation，Ireturnhome，resolvedtoenteronthepaththatleadstojustification。

Sixmonthspassed。EverymorningIwenttomymass:everyeveningI

spentinmycustomarydissipations。

Someofmyfriendsindulgedinconsiderablemerrimentatmyexpensewhentheyfoundoutmyconstantattendanceatmass。Accordingly，Idisguisedmyselfasaboy，whenIwenttochurch，toescapeobservation。Mydisguisewasfoundout，andthejokesagainstmewereredoubled。Uponthis，IbegantothinkofthewordsoftheGospel，whichdeclaretheimpossibilityofservingtwomasters。IdeterminedtoabandontheserviceofMammon。

ThefirstvanityIgaveupwasthevanityofkeepingamaid。BywayoffurtheraccustomingmyselftotheretreatfromtheworldwhichInowbegantomeditate，Ideclinedallinvitationstopartiesunderthepretextofindisposition。ButthenearertheEastertimeapproachedatwhichIhadsettledinmyownminddefinitelytoturnmybackonworldlytemptationsandpleasures，themoreviolentbecamemyinternalstruggleswithmyself。MyhealthsufferedunderthemtosuchanextentthatIwastroubledwithperpetualattacksofretchingandsickness，which，however，didnotpreventmefromwritingmygeneralconfession，addressedtothevicarofSaintSulpice，theparishinwhichIlived。