第1章

Chapter1

SistersURSULAANDGUDRUNBrangwensatonemorninginthewindow—bayoftheirfather\'shouseinBeldover，workingandtalking。Ursulawasstitchingapieceofbrightly—colouredembroidery，andGudrunwasdrawinguponaboardwhichsheheldonherknee。

Theyweremostlysilent，talkingastheirthoughtsstrayedthroughtheirminds。

`Ursula，\'saidGudrun，`don\'tyoureallywanttogetmarried？\'

Ursulalaidherembroideryinherlapandlookedup。Herfacewascalmandconsiderate。

`Idon\'tknow，\'shereplied。`Itdependshowyoumean。\'

Gudrunwasslightlytakenaback。Shewatchedhersisterforsomemoments。

`Well，\'shesaid，ironically，`itusuallymeansonething！Butdon\'tyouthinkanyhow，you\'dbe——\'shedarkenedslightly——`inabetterpositionthanyouareinnow。\'

AshadowcameoverUrsula\'sface。

`Imight，\'shesaid。`ButI\'mnotsure。\'

AgainGudrunpaused，slightlyirritated。Shewantedtobequitedefinite。

`Youdon\'tthinkoneneedstheexperienceofhavingbeenmarried？\'

sheasked。

`Doyouthinkitneedbeanexperience？\'repliedUrsula。

`Boundtobe，insomewayorother，\'saidGudrun，coolly。`Possiblyundesirable，butboundtobeanexperienceofsomesort。\'

`Notreally，\'saidUrsula。`Morelikelytobetheendofexperience。\'

Gudrunsatverystill，toattendtothis。

`Ofcourse，\'shesaid，`there\'sthattoconsider。\'Thisbroughttheconversationtoaclose。Gudrun，almostangrily，tookupherrubberandbegantoruboutpartofherdrawing。Ursulastitchedabsorbedly。

`Youwouldn\'tconsideragoodoffer？\'askedGudrun。

`IthinkI\'verejectedseveral，\'saidUrsula。

`Really！\'Gudrunflusheddark——`Butanythingreallyworthwhile？

Haveyoureally？\'

`Athousandayear，andanawfullyniceman。Ilikedhimawfully，\'saidUrsula。

`Really！Butweren\'tyoufearfullytempted？\'

`Intheabstractbutnotintheconcrete，\'saidUrsula。`Whenitcomestothepoint，oneisn\'teventempted——oh，ifIweretempted，I\'dmarrylikeashot。I\'monlytemptednotto。\'Thefacesofbothsisterssuddenlylitupwithamusement。

`Isn\'titanamazingthing，\'criedGudrun，`howstrongthetemptationis，notto！\'Theybothlaughed，lookingateachother。Intheirheartstheywerefrightened。

Therewasalongpause，whilstUrsulastitchedandGudrunwentonwithhersketch。Thesisterswerewomen，Ursulatwenty—six，andGudruntwenty—five。

Butbothhadtheremote，virginlookofmoderngirls，sistersofArtemisratherthanofHebe。Gudrunwasverybeautiful，passive，soft—skinned，soft—limbed。Sheworeadressofdark—bluesilkystuff，withruchesofblueandgreenlinenlaceintheneckandsleeves;andshehademerald—greenstockings。HerlookofconfidenceanddiffidencecontrastedwithUrsula\'ssensitiveexpectancy。Theprovincialpeople，intimidatedbyGudrun\'sperfectsang—froidandexclusivebarenessofmanner，saidofher:`Sheisasmartwoman。\'ShehadjustcomebackfromLondon，whereshehadspentseveralyears，workingatanart—school，asastudent，andlivingastudiolife。

`Iwashopingnowforamantocomealong，\'Gudrunsaid，suddenlycatchingherunderlipbetweenherteeth，andmakingastrangegrimace，halfslysmiling，halfanguish。Ursulawasafraid。

`Soyouhavecomehome，expectinghimhere？\'shelaughed。

`Ohmydear，\'criedGudrun，strident，`Iwouldn\'tgooutofmywaytolookforhim。Butiftheredidhappentocomealongahighlyattractiveindividualofsufficientmeans——well——\'shetailedoffironically。ThenshelookedsearchinglyatUrsula，asiftoprobeher。`Don\'tyoufindyourselfgettingbored？\'sheaskedofhersister。`Don\'tyoufind，thatthingsfailtomaterialise？Nothingmaterialises！Everythingwithersinthebud。\'

`Whatwithersinthebud？\'askedUrsula。

`Oh，everything——oneself——thingsingeneral。\'Therewasapause，whilsteachsistervaguelyconsideredherfate。

`Itdoesfrightenone，\'saidUrsula，andagaintherewasapause。`Butdoyouhopetogetanywherebyjustmarrying？\'

`Itseemstobetheinevitablenextstep，\'saidGudrun。Ursulaponderedthis，withalittlebitterness。Shewasaclassmistressherself，inWilleyGreenGrammarSchool，asshehadbeenforsomeyears。

`Iknow，\'shesaid，`itseemslikethatwhenonethinksintheabstract。

Butreallyimagineit:imagineanymanoneknows，imaginehimcominghometooneeveryevening，andsaying\"Hello，\"andgivingoneakiss——\'

Therewasablankpause。

`Yes，\'saidGudrun，inanarrowedvoice。`It\'sjustimpossible。Themanmakesitimpossible。\'

`Ofcoursethere\'schildren——\'saidUrsuladoubtfully。

Gudrun\'sfacehardened。

`Doyoureallywantchildren，Ursula？\'sheaskedcoldly。Adazzled，baffledlookcameonUrsula\'sface。

`Onefeelsitisstillbeyondone，\'shesaid。

`Doyoufeellikethat？\'askedGudrun。`Igetnofeelingwhateverfromthethoughtofbearingchildren。\'

GudrunlookedatUrsulawithamasklike，expressionlessface。Ursulaknittedherbrows。

`Perhapsitisn\'tgenuine，\'shefaltered。`Perhapsonedoesn\'treallywantthem，inone\'ssoul——onlysuperficially。\'AhardnesscameoverGudrun\'sface。Shedidnotwanttobetoodefinite。

`Whenonethinksofotherpeople\'schildren——\'saidUrsula。

AgainGudrunlookedathersister，almosthostile。

`Exactly，\'shesaid，toclosetheconversation。

Thetwosistersworkedoninsilence，Ursulahavingalwaysthatstrangebrightnessofanessentialflamethatiscaught，meshed，contravened。Shelivedagooddealbyherself，toherself，working，passingonfromdaytoday，andalwaysthinking，tryingtolayholdonlife，tograspitinherownunderstanding。Heractivelivingwassuspended，butunderneath，inthedarkness，somethingwascomingtopass。Ifonlyshecouldbreakthroughthelastinteguments！Sheseemedtotryandputherhandsout，likeaninfantinthewomb，andshecouldnot，notyet。Stillshehadastrangeprescience，anintimationofsomethingyettocome。

Shelaiddownherworkandlookedathersister。ShethoughtGudrunsocharming，soinfinitelycharming，inhersoftnessandherfine，exquisiterichnessoftextureanddelicacyofline。Therewasacertainplayfulnessabouthertoo，suchapiquancyorironicsuggestion，suchanuntouchedreserve。Ursulaadmiredherwithallhersoul。

`Whydidyoucomehome，Prune？\'sheasked。

Gudrunknewshewasbeingadmired。ShesatbackfromherdrawingandlookedatUrsula，fromunderherfinely—curvedlashes。

`WhydidIcomeback，Ursula？\'sherepeated。`Ihaveaskedmyselfathousandtimes。\'

`Anddon\'tyouknow？\'

`Yes，IthinkIdo。Ithinkmycomingbackhomewasjustreculerpourmieuxsauter。\'

Andshelookedwithalong，slowlookofknowledgeatUrsula。

`Iknow！\'criedUrsula，lookingslightlydazzledandfalsified，andasifshedidnotknow。`Butwherecanonejumpto？\'

`Oh，itdoesn\'tmatter，\'saidGudrun，somewhatsuperbly。`Ifonejumpsovertheedge，oneisboundtolandsomewhere。\'

`Butisn\'titveryrisky？\'askedUrsula。

AslowmockingsmiledawnedonGudrun\'sface。

`Ah！\'shesaidlaughing。`Whatisitallbutwords！\'Andsoagainsheclosedtheconversation。ButUrsulawasstillbrooding。

`Andhowdoyoufindhome，nowyouhavecomebacktoit？\'sheasked。

Gudrunpausedforsomemoments，coldly，beforeanswering。Then，inacoldtruthfulvoice，shesaid:

`Ifindmyselfcompletelyoutofit。\'

`Andfather？\'

GudrunlookedatUrsula，almostwithresentment，asifbroughttobay。

`Ihaven\'tthoughtabouthim:I\'verefrained，\'shesaidcoldly。

`Yes，\'waveredUrsula;andtheconversationwasreallyatanend。Thesistersfoundthemselvesconfrontedbyavoid，aterrifyingchasm，asiftheyhadlookedovertheedge。

Theyworkedoninsilenceforsometime，Gudrun\'scheekwasflushedwithrepressedemotion。Sheresenteditshavingbeencalledintobeing。

`Shallwegooutandlookatthatwedding？\'sheaskedatlength，inavoicethatwastoocasual。

`Yes！\'criedUrsula，tooeagerly，throwingasidehersewingandleapingup，asiftoescapesomething，thusbetrayingthetensionofthesituationandcausingafrictionofdisliketogooverGudrun\'snerves。

Asshewentupstairs，Ursulawasawareofthehouse，ofherhomeroundabouther。Andsheloathedit，thesordid，too—familiarplace！Shewasafraidatthedepthofherfeelingagainstthehome，themilieu，thewholeatmosphereandconditionofthisobsoletelife。Herfeelingfrightenedher。

ThetwogirlsweresoonwalkingswiftlydownthemainroadofBeldover，awidestreet，partshops，partdwelling—houses，utterlyformlessandsordid，withoutpoverty。Gudrun，newfromherlifeinChelseaandSussex，shrankcruellyfromthisamorphousuglinessofasmallcollierytownintheMidlands。

Yetforwardshewent，throughthewholesordidgamutofpettiness，thelongamorphous，grittystreet。Shewasexposedtoeverystare，shepassedonthroughastretchoftorment。Itwasstrangethatsheshouldhavechosentocomebackandtestthefulleffectofthisshapeless，barrenuglinessuponherself。Whyhadshewantedtosubmitherselftoit，didshestillwanttosubmitherselftoit，theinsufferabletortureoftheseugly，meaninglesspeople，thisdefacedcountryside？Shefeltlikeabeetletoilinginthedust。Shewasfilledwithrepulsion。

Theyturnedoffthemainroad，pastablackpatchofcommon—garden，wheresootycabbagestumpsstoodshameless。Noonethoughttobeashamed。

Noonewasashamedofitall。

`Itislikeacountryinanunderworld，\'saidGudrun。`Thecolliersbringitabove—groundwiththem，shovelitup。Ursula，it\'smarvellous，it\'sreallymarvellous——it\'sreallywonderful，anotherworld。Thepeopleareallghouls，andeverythingisghostly。Everythingisaghoulishreplicaoftherealworld，areplica，aghoul，allsoiled，everythingsordid。It\'slikebeingmad，Ursula。\'

Thesisterswerecrossingablackpaththroughadark，soiledfield。

Ontheleftwasalargelandscape，avalleywithcollieries，andoppositehillswithcornfieldsandwoods，allblackenedwithdistance，asifseenthroughaveilofcrape。Whiteandblacksmokeroseupinsteadycolumns，magicwithinthedarkair。Nearathandcamethelongrowsofdwellings，approachingcurvedupthehill—slope，instraightlinesalongthebrowofthehill。Theywereofdarkenedredbrick，brittle，withdarkslateroofs。Thepathonwhichthesisterswalkedwasblack，trodden—inbythefeetoftherecurrentcolliers，andboundedfromthefieldbyironfences;

thestilethatledagainintotheroadwasrubbedshinybythemoleskinsofthepassingminers。Nowthetwogirlsweregoingbetweensomerowsofdwellings，ofthepoorersort。Women，theirarmsfoldedovertheircoarseaprons，standinggossipingattheendoftheirblock，staredaftertheBrangwensisterswiththatlong，unwearyingstareofaborigines;childrencalledoutnames。

Gudrunwentonherwayhalfdazed。Ifthiswerehumanlife，ifthesewerehumanbeings，livinginacompleteworld，thenwhatwasherownworld，outside？Shewasawareofhergrass—greenstockings，herlargegrass—greenvelourhat，herfullsoftcoat，ofastrongbluecolour。Andshefeltasifsheweretreadingintheair，quiteunstable，herheartwascontracted，asifatanyminuteshemightbeprecipitatedtotheground。Shewasafraid。

SheclungtoUrsula，who，throughlongusagewasinuredtothisviolationofadark，uncreated，hostileworld。Butallthetimeherheartwascrying，asifinthemidstofsomeordeal:`Iwanttogoback，Iwanttogoaway，Iwantnottoknowit，nottoknowthatthisexists。\'Yetshemustgoforward。

Ursulacouldfeelhersuffering。

`Youhatethis，don\'tyou？\'sheasked。

`Itbewildersme，\'stammeredGudrun。

`Youwon\'tstaylong，\'repliedUrsula。

AndGudrunwentalong，graspingatrelease。

Theydrewawayfromthecollieryregion，overthecurveofthehill，intothepurercountryoftheotherside，towardsWilleyGreen。Stillthefaintglamourofblacknesspersistedoverthefieldsandthewoodedhills，andseemeddarklytogleamintheair。Itwasaspringday，chill，withsnatchesofsunshine。Yellowcelandinesshowedoutfromthehedge—bottoms，andinthecottagegardensofWilleyGreen，currant—busheswerebreakingintoleaf，andlittleflowerswerecomingwhiteonthegreyalyssumthathungoverthestonewalls。

Turning，theypasseddownthehigh—road，thatwentbetweenhighbankstowardsthechurch。There，inthelowestbendoftheroad，lowunderthetrees，stoodalittlegroupofexpectantpeople，waitingtoseethewedding。

Thedaughterofthechiefmine—ownerofthedistrict，ThomasCrich，wasgettingmarriedtoanavalofficer。

`Letusgoback，\'saidGudrun，swervingaway。`Thereareallthosepeople。\'

Andshehungwaveringintheroad。

`Nevermindthem，\'saidUrsula，`they\'reallright。Theyallknowme，theydon\'tmatter。\'

`Butmustwegothroughthem？\'askedGudrun。

`They\'requiteallright，really，\'saidUrsula，goingforward。Andtogetherthetwosistersapproachedthegroupofuneasy，watchfulcommonpeople。

Theywerechieflywomen，colliers\'wivesofthemoreshiftlesssort。Theyhadwatchful，underworldfaces。

Thetwosistersheldthemselvestense，andwentstraighttowardsthegate。Thewomenmadewayforthem，butbarelysufficient，asifgrudgingtoyieldground。Thesisterspassedinsilencethroughthestonegatewayandupthesteps，ontheredcarpet，apolicemanestimatingtheirprogress。

`Whatpricethestockings！\'saidavoiceatthebackofGudrun。Asuddenfierceangersweptoverthegirl，violentandmurderous。Shewouldhavelikedthemallannihilated，clearedaway，sothattheworldwasleftclearforher。Howshehatedwalkingupthechurchyardpath，alongtheredcarpet，continuinginmotion，intheirsight。

`Iwon\'tgointothechurch，\'shesaidsuddenly，withsuchfinaldecisionthatUrsulaimmediatelyhalted，turnedround，andbranchedoffupasmallsidepathwhichledtothelittleprivategateoftheGrammarSchool，whosegroundsadjoinedthoseofthechurch。

Justinsidethegateoftheschoolshrubbery，outsidethechurchyard，Ursulasatdownforamomentonthelowstonewallunderthelaurelbushes，torest。Behindher，thelargeredbuildingoftheschoolroseuppeacefully，thewindowsallopenfortheholiday。Overtheshrubs，beforeher，werethepaleroofsandtoweroftheoldchurch。Thesisterswerehiddenbythefoliage。

Gudrunsatdowninsilence。Hermouthwasshutclose，herfaceaverted。

Shewasregrettingbitterlythatshehadevercomeback。Ursulalookedather，andthoughthowamazinglybeautifulshewas，flushedwithdiscomfiture。

ButshecausedaconstraintoverUrsula\'snature，acertainweariness。

Ursulawishedtobealone，freedfromthetightness，theenclosureofGudrun\'spresence。

`Arewegoingtostayhere？\'askedGudrun。

`Iwasonlyrestingaminute，\'saidUrsula，gettingupasifrebuked。

`Wewillstandinthecornerbythefives—court，weshallseeeverythingfromthere。\'

Forthemoment，thesunshinefellbrightlyintothechurchyard，therewasavaguescentofsapandofspring，perhapsofvioletsfromoffthegraves。Somewhitedaisieswereout，brightasangels。Intheair，theunfoldingleavesofacopper—beechwereblood—red。

Punctuallyateleveno\'clock，thecarriagesbegantoarrive。Therewasastirinthecrowdatthegate，aconcentrationasacarriagedroveup，weddingguestsweremountingupthestepsandpassingalongtheredcarpettothechurch。Theywereallgayandexcitedbecausethesunwasshining。

Gudrunwatchedthemclosely，withobjectivecuriosity。Shesaweachoneasacompletefigure，likeacharacterinabook，orasubjectinapicture，oramarionetteinatheatre，afinishedcreation。Shelovedtorecognisetheirvariouscharacteristics，toplacethemintheirtruelight，givethemtheirownsurroundings，settlethemforeverastheypassedbeforeheralongthepathtothechurch。Sheknewthem，theywerefinished，sealedandstampedandfinishedwith，forher。Therewasnonethathadanythingunknown，unresolved，untiltheCrichesthemselvesbegantoappear。Thenherinterestwaspiqued。Herewassomethingnotquitesopreconcluded。

Therecamethemother，MrsCrich，withhereldestsonGerald。Shewasaqueerunkemptfigure，inspiteoftheattemptsthathadobviouslybeenmadetobringherintolinefortheday。Herfacewaspale，yellowish，withaclear，transparentskin，sheleanedforwardrather，herfeatureswerestronglymarked，handsome，withatense，unseeing，predativelook。

Hercolourlesshairwasuntidy，wispsfloatingdownontohersaccoatofdarkbluesilk，fromunderherbluesilkhat。Shelookedlikeawomanwithamonomania，furtivealmost，butheavilyproud。

Hersonwasofafair，sun—tannedtype，ratherabovemiddleheight，well—made，andalmostexaggeratedlywell—dressed。Butabouthimalsowasthestrange，guardedlook，theunconsciousglisten，asifhedidnotbelongtothesamecreationasthepeopleabouthim。Gudrunlightedonhimatonce。Therewassomethingnorthernabouthimthatmagnetisedher。Inhisclearnorthernfleshandhisfairhairwasaglistenlikesunshinerefractedthroughcrystalsofice。Andhelookedsonew，unbroached，pureasanarcticthing。Perhapshewasthirtyyearsold，perhapsmore。Hisgleamingbeauty，maleness，likeayoung，good—humoured，smilingwolf，didnotblindhertothesignificant，sinisterstillnessinhisbearing，thelurkingdangerofhisunsubduedtemper。`Histotemisthewolf，\'sherepeatedtoherself。

`Hismotherisanold，unbrokenwolf。\'Andthensheexperiencedakeenparoxyism，atransport，asifshehadmadesomeincrediblediscovery，knowntonobodyelseonearth。Astrangetransporttookpossessionofher，allherveinswereinaparoxysmofviolentsensation。`GoodGod！\'sheexclaimedtoherself，`whatisthis？\'Andthen，amomentafter，shewassayingassuredly，`Ishallknowmoreofthatman。\'Shewastorturedwithdesiretoseehimagain，anostalgia，anecessitytoseehimagain，tomakesureitwasnotallamistake，thatshewasnotdeludingherself，thatshereallyfeltthisstrangeandoverwhelmingsensationonhisaccount，thisknowledgeofhiminheressence，thispowerfulapprehensionofhim。`AmIreallysingledoutforhiminsomeway，istherereallysomepalegold，arcticlightthatenvelopesonlyustwo？\'sheaskedherself。Andshecouldnotbelieveit，sheremainedinamuse，scarcelyconsciousofwhatwasgoingonaround。

Thebridesmaidswerehere，andyetthebridegroomhadnotcome。Ursulawonderedifsomethingwasamiss，andiftheweddingwouldyetallgowrong。

Shefelttroubled，asifitresteduponher。Thechiefbridesmaidshadarrived。Ursulawatchedthemcomeupthesteps。Oneofthemsheknew，atall，slow，reluctantwomanwithaweightoffairhairandapale，longface。ThiswasHermioneRoddice，afriendoftheCriches。Nowshecamealong，withherheadheldup，balancinganenormousflathatofpaleyellowvelvet，onwhichwerestreaksofostrichfeathers，naturalandgrey。Shedriftedforwardasifscarcelyconscious，herlongblanchedfaceliftedup，nottoseetheworld。Shewasrich。Sheworeadressofsilky，frailvelvet，ofpaleyellowcolour，andshecarriedalotofsmallrose—colouredcyclamens。Hershoesandstockingswereofbrownishgrey，likethefeathersonherhat，herhairwasheavy，shedriftedalongwithapeculiarfixityofthehips，astrangeunwillingmotion。Shewasimpressive，inherlovelypale—yellowandbrownish—rose，yetmacabre，somethingrepulsive。Peopleweresilentwhenshepassed，impressed，roused，wantingtojeer，yetforsomereasonsilenced。Herlong，paleface，thatshecarriedliftedup，somewhatintheRossettifashion，seemedalmostdrugged，asifastrangemassofthoughtscoiledinthedarknesswithinher，andshewasneverallowedtoescape。

Ursulawatchedherwithfascination。Sheknewheralittle。ShewasthemostremarkablewomanintheMidlands。HerfatherwasaDerbyshireBaronetoftheoldschool，shewasawomanofthenewschool，fullofintellectuality，andheavy，nerve—wornwithconsciousness。Shewaspassionatelyinterestedinreform，hersoulwasgivenuptothepubliccause。Butshewasaman\'swoman，itwasthemanlyworldthatheldher。

Shehadvariousintimaciesofmindandsoulwithvariousmenofcapacity。

Ursulaknew，amongthesemen，onlyRupertBirkin，whowasoneoftheschool—inspectorsofthecounty。ButGudrunhadmetothers，inLondon。Movingwithherartistfriendsindifferentkindsofsociety，Gudrunhadalreadycometoknowagoodmanypeopleofreputeandstanding。ShehadmetHermionetwice，buttheydidnottaketoeachother。ItwouldbequeertomeetagaindownhereintheMidlands，wheretheirsocialstandingwassodiverse，aftertheyhadknowneachotherontermsofequalityinthehousesofsundryacquaintancesintown。ForGudrunhadbeenasocialsuccess，andhadherfriendsamongtheslackaristocracythatkeepstouchwiththearts。

Hermioneknewherselftobewell—dressed;sheknewherselftobethesocialequal，ifnotfarthesuperior，ofanyoneshewaslikelytomeetinWilleyGreen。Sheknewshewasacceptedintheworldofcultureandofintellect。ShewasaKulturtrager，amediumforthecultureofideas。Withallthatwashighest，whetherinsocietyorinthoughtorinpublicaction，oreveninart，shewasatone，shemovedamongtheforemost，athomewiththem。Noonecouldputherdown，noonecouldmakemockofher，becauseshestoodamongthefirst，andthosethatwereagainstherwerebelowher，eitherinrank，orinwealth，orinhighassociationofthoughtandprogressandunderstanding。So，shewasinvulnerable。Allherlife，shehadsoughttomakeherselfinvulnerable，unassailable，beyondreachoftheworld\'sjudgment。

Andyethersoulwastortured，exposed。Evenwalkingupthepathtothechurch，confidentasshewasthatineveryrespectshestoodbeyondallvulgarjudgment，knowingperfectlythatherappearancewascompleteandperfect，accordingtothefirststandards，yetshesufferedatorture，underherconfidenceandherpride，feelingherselfexposedtowoundsandtomockeryandtodespite。Shealwaysfeltvulnerable，vulnerable，therewasalwaysasecretchinkinherarmour。Shedidnotknowherselfwhatitwas。Itwasalackofrobustself，shehadnonaturalsufficiency，therewasaterriblevoid，alack，adeficiencyofbeingwithinher。

Andshewantedsomeonetocloseupthisdeficiency，tocloseitupforever。ShecravedforRupertBirkin。Whenhewasthere，shefeltcomplete，shewassufficient，whole。Fortherestoftimeshewasestablishedonthesand，builtoverachasm，and，inspiteofallhervanityandsecurities，anycommonmaid—servantofpositive，robusttempercouldflingherdownthisbottomlesspitofinsufficiency，bytheslightestmovementofjeeringorcontempt。Andallthewhilethepensive，torturedwomanpiledupherowndefencesofaestheticknowledge，andculture，andworld—visions，anddisinterestedness。Yetshecouldneverstopuptheterriblegapofinsufficiency。

IfonlyBirkinwouldformacloseandabidingconnectionwithher，shewouldbesafeduringthisfretfulvoyageoflife。Hecouldmakehersoundandtriumphant，triumphantovertheveryangelsofheaven。Ifonlyhewoulddoit！Butshewastorturedwithfear，withmisgiving。Shemadeherselfbeautiful，shestrovesohardtocometothatdegreeofbeautyandadvantage，whenheshouldbeconvinced。Butalwaystherewasadeficiency。

Hewasperversetoo。Hefoughtheroff，healwaysfoughtheroff。Themoreshestrovetobringhimtoher，themorehebattledherback。Andtheyhadbeenloversnow，foryears。Oh，itwassowearying，soaching;

shewassotired。Butstillshebelievedinherself。Sheknewhewastryingtoleaveher。Sheknewhewastryingtobreakawayfromherfinally，tobefree。Butstillshebelievedinherstrengthtokeephim，shebelievedinherownhigherknowledge。Hisownknowledgewashigh，shewasthecentraltouchstoneoftruth。Sheonlyneededhisconjunctionwithher。

Andthis，thisconjunctionwithher，whichwashishighestfulfilmentalso，withtheperversenessofawilfulchildhewantedtodeny。Withthewilfulnessofanobstinatechild，hewantedtobreaktheholyconnectionthatwasbetweenthem。

Hewouldbeatthiswedding;hewastobegroom\'sman。Hewouldbeinthechurch，waiting。Hewouldknowwhenshecame。Sheshudderedwithnervousapprehensionanddesireasshewentthroughthechurch—door。Hewouldbethere，surelyhewouldseehowbeautifulherdresswas，surelyhewouldseehowshehadmadeherselfbeautifulforhim。Hewouldunderstand，hewouldbeabletoseehowshewasmadeforhim，thefirst，howshewas，forhim，thehighest。Surelyatlasthewouldbeabletoaccepthishighestfate，hewouldnotdenyher。

Inalittleconvulsionoftoo—tiredyearning，sheenteredthechurchandlookedslowlyalonghercheeksforhim，herslenderbodyconvulsedwithagitation。Asbestman，hewouldbestandingbesidethealtar。Shelookedslowly，deferringinhercertainty。

Andthen，hewasnotthere。Aterriblestormcameoverher，asifsheweredrowning。Shewaspossessedbyadevastatinghopelessness。Andsheapproachedmechanicallytothealtar。Neverhadsheknownsuchapangofutterandfinalhopelessness。Itwasbeyonddeath，soutterlynull，desert。

Thebridegroomandthegroom\'smanhadnotyetcome。Therewasagrowingconsternationoutside。Ursulafeltalmostresponsible。Shecouldnotbearitthatthebrideshouldarrive，andnogroom。Theweddingmustnotbeafiasco，itmustnot。

Butherewasthebride\'scarriage，adornedwithribbonsandcockades。

Gailythegreyhorsescurvettedtotheirdestinationatthechurch—gate，alaughterinthewholemovement。Herewasthequickofalllaughterandpleasure。Thedoorofthecarriagewasthrownopen，toletouttheveryblossomoftheday。Thepeopleontheroadwaymurmuredfaintlywiththediscontentedmurmuringofacrowd。

Thefathersteppedoutfirstintotheairofthemorning，likeashadow。

Hewasatall，thin，carewornman，withathinblackbeardthatwastouchedwithgrey。Hewaitedatthedoorofthecarriagepatiently，self—obliterated。

Intheopeningofthedoorwaywasashoweroffinefoliageandflowers，awhitenessofsatinandlace，andasoundofagayvoicesaying:

`HowdoIgetout？\'

Arippleofsatisfactionranthroughtheexpectantpeople。Theypressedneartoreceiveher，lookingwithzestatthestoopingblondheadwithitsflowerbuds，andatthedelicate，white，tentativefootthatwasreachingdowntothestepofthecarriage。Therewasasuddenfoamingrush，andthebridelikeasuddensurf—rush，floatingallwhitebesideherfatherinthemorningshadowoftrees，herveilflowingwithlaughter。