第1章

CHAPTERI

Threemenneedchange——Anecdoteshowingevilresultofdeception——

MoralcowardiceofGeorge——Harrishasideas——YarnoftheAncientMarinerandtheInexperiencedYachtsman——Aheartycrew——Dangerofsailingwhenthewindisofftheland——Impossibilityofsailingwhenthewindisoffthesea——TheargumentativenessofEthelbertha—

—Thedampnessoftheriver——Harrissuggestsabicycletour——Georgethinksofthewind——HarrissuggeststheBlackForest——Georgethinksofthehills——PlanadoptedbyHarrisforascentofhills——

InterruptionbyMrs。Harris。

\"Whatwewant，\"saidHarris，\"isachange。\"

Atthismomentthedooropened，andMrs。HarrisputherheadintosaythatEthelberthahadsenthertoremindmethatwemustnotbelategettinghomebecauseofClarence。Ethelbertha，Iaminclinedtothink，isunnecessarilynervousaboutthechildren。Asamatteroffact，therewasnothingwrongwiththechildwhatever。Hehadbeenoutwithhisauntthatmorning；andifhelookswistfullyatapastrycook’swindowshetakeshiminsideandbuyshimcreambunsand\"maids—of—honour\"untilheinsiststhathehashadenough，andpolitely，butfirmly，refusestoeatanotheranything。Then，ofcourse，hewantsonlyonehelpingofpuddingatlunch，andEthelberthathinksheissickeningforsomething。Mrs。Harrisaddedthatitwouldbeaswellforustocomeupstairssoon，onourownaccountalso，asotherwiseweshouldmissMuriel’srenderingof\"TheMadHatter’sTeaParty，\"outofAliceinWonderland。MurielisHarris’ssecond，ageeight：sheisabright，intelligentchild；

butIpreferhermyselfinseriouspieces。Wesaidwewouldfinishourcigarettesandfollowalmostimmediately；wealsobeggedhernottoletMurielbeginuntilwearrived。Shepromisedtoholdthechildbackaslongaspossible，andwent。Harris，assoonasthedoorwasclosed，resumedhisinterruptedsentence。

\"YouknowwhatImean，\"hesaid，\"acompletechange。\"

Thequestionwashowtogetit。

Georgesuggested\"business。\"ItwasthesortofsuggestionGeorgewouldmake。Abachelorthinksamarriedwomandoesn’tknowenoughtogetoutofthewayofasteam—roller。Iknewayoungfellowonce，anengineer，whothoughthewouldgotoVienna\"onbusiness。\"

Hiswifewantedtoknow\"whatbusiness？\"HetoldheritwouldbehisdutytovisittheminesintheneighbourhoodoftheAustriancapital，andtomakereports。Shesaidshewouldgowithhim；shewasthatsortofwoman。Hetriedtodissuadeher：hetoldherthataminewasnoplaceforabeautifulwoman。Shesaidshefeltthatherself，andthatthereforeshedidnotintendtoaccompanyhimdowntheshafts；shewouldseehimoffinthemorning，andthenamuseherselfuntilhisreturn，lookingroundtheViennashops，andbuyingafewthingsshemightwant。Havingstartedtheidea，hedidnotseeverywellhowtogetoutofit；andfortenlongsummerdayshedidvisittheminesintheneighbourhoodofVienna，andintheeveningwrotereportsaboutthem，whichshepostedforhimtohisfirm，whodidn’twantthem。

IshouldbegrievedtothinkthateitherEthelberthaorMrs。Harrisbelongedtothatclassofwife，butitisaswellnottooverdo\"business\"——itshouldbekeptforcasesofrealemergency。

\"No，\"Isaid，\"thethingistobefrankandmanly。IshalltellEthelberthathatIhavecometotheconclusionamannevervalueshappinessthatisalwayswithhim。Ishalltellherthat，forthesakeoflearningtoappreciatemyownadvantagesasIknowtheyshouldbeappreciated，Iintendtotearmyselfawayfromherandthechildrenforatleastthreeweeks。Ishalltellher，\"I

continued，turningtoHarris，\"thatitisyouwhohaveshownmemydutyinthisrespect；thatitistoyouweshallowe——\"

Harrisputdownhisglassratherhurriedly。

\"Ifyoudon’tmind，oldman，\"heinterrupted，\"I’dreallyratheryoudidn’t。She’lltalkitoverwithmywife，and——well，Ishouldnotbehappy，takingcreditthatIdonotdeserve。\"

\"Butyoudodeserveit，\"Iinsisted；\"itwasyoursuggestion。\"

\"Itwasyougavemetheidea，\"interruptedHarrisagain。\"Youknowyousaiditwasamistakeforamantogetintoagroove，andthatunbrokendomesticitycloyedthebrain。\"

\"Iwasspeakinggenerally，\"Iexplained。

\"Itstruckmeasveryapt，\"saidHarris。\"IthoughtofrepeatingittoClara；shehasagreatopinionofyoursense，Iknow。Iamsurethatif——\"

\"Wewon’triskit，\"Iinterrupted，inmyturn；\"itisadelicatematter，andIseeawayoutofit。WewillsayGeorgesuggestedtheidea。\"

ThereisalackofgenialhelpfulnessaboutGeorgethatitsometimesvexesmetonotice。Youwouldhavethoughthewouldhavewelcomedthechanceofassistingtwooldfriendsoutofadilemma；

instead，hebecamedisagreeable。

\"Youdo，\"saidGeorge，\"andIshalltellthemboththatmyoriginalplanwasthatweshouldmakeaparty——childrenandall；thatI

shouldbringmyaunt，andthatweshouldhireacharmingoldchateauIknowofinNormandy，onthecoast，wheretheclimateispeculiarlyadaptedtodelicatechildren，andthemilksuchasyoudonotgetinEngland。Ishalladdthatyouover—rodethatsuggestion，arguingweshouldbehappierbyourselves。\"

WithamanlikeGeorgekindnessisofnouse；youhavetobefirm。

\"Youdo，\"saidHarris，\"andI，forone，willclosewiththeoffer。

Wewilljusttakethatchateau。Youwillbringyouraunt——Iwillseetothat，——andwewillhaveamonthofit。Thechildrenareallfondofyou；J。andIwillbenowhere。You’vepromisedtoteachEdgarfishing；anditisyouwhowillhavetoplaywildbeasts。

SincelastSundayDickandMurielhavetalkedofnothingelsebutyourhippopotamus。Wewillpicnicinthewoods——therewillonlybeelevenofus，——andintheeveningswewillhavemusicandrecitations。Murielismasterofsixpiecesalready，asperhapsyouknow；andalltheotherchildrenarequickstudies。\"

Georgeclimbeddown——hehasnorealcourage——buthedidnotdoitgracefully。Hesaidthatifweweremeanandcowardlyandfalse—

heartedenoughtostooptosuchashabbytrick，hesupposedhecouldn’thelpit；andthatifIdidn’tintendtofinishthewholebottleofclaretmyself，hewouldtroublemetosparehimaglass。

Healsoadded，somewhatillogically，thatitreallydidnotmatter，seeingbothEthelberthaandMrs。Harriswerewomenofsensewhowouldjudgehimbetterthantobelieveforamomentthatthesuggestionemanatedfromhim。

Thislittlepointsettled，thequestionwas：Whatsortofachange？

Harris，asusual，wasforthesea。Hesaidheknewayacht，justtheverything——onethatwecouldmanagebyourselves；noskulkinglotoflubbersloafingabout，addingtotheexpenseandtakingawayfromtheromance。Givehimahandyboy，hewouldsailithimself。

Weknewthatyacht，andwetoldhimso；wehadbeenonitwithHarrisbefore。Itsmellsofbilge—waterandgreenstotheexclusionofallotherscents；noordinaryseaaircanhopetoheadagainstit。Sofarassenseofsmellisconcerned，onemightbespendingaweekinLimehouseHole。Thereisnoplacetogetoutoftherain；thesaloonistenfeetbyfour，andhalfofthatistakenupbyastove，whichfallstopieceswhenyougotolightit。Youhavetotakeyourbathondeck，andthetowelblowsoverboardjustasyoustepoutofthetub。Harrisandtheboydoalltheinterestingwork——theluggingandthereefing，thelettinghergoandtheheelingherover，andallthatsortofthing，——leavingGeorgeandmyselftodothepeelingofthepotatoesandthewashingup。

\"Verywell，then，\"saidHarris，\"let’stakeaproperyacht，withaskipper，anddothethinginstyle。\"

ThatalsoIobjectedto。Iknowthatskipper；hisnotionofyachtingistolieinwhathecallsthe\"offing，\"wherehecanbewellintouchwithhiswifeandfamily，tosaynothingofhisfavouritepublic—house。

Yearsago，whenIwasyoungandinexperienced，Ihiredayachtmyself。Threethingshadcombinedtoleadmeintothisfoolishness：Ihadhadastrokeofunexpectedluck；Ethelberthahadexpressedayearningforseaair；andtheverynextmorning，intakingupcasuallyattheclubacopyoftheSportsman，Ihadcomeacrossthefollowingadvertisement：—

TOYACHTSMEN。——UniqueOpportunity。——\"Rogue，\"28—tonYawl。——Owner，calledawaysuddenlyonbusiness，iswillingtoletthissuperbly—

fitted\"greyhoundofthesea\"foranyperiodshortorlong。Twocabinsandsaloon；pianette，byWoffenkoff；newcopper。Terms，10

guineasaweek。——ApplyPertweeandCo。，3ABucklersbury。

Ithadseemedtomeliketheanswertoaprayer。\"Thenewcopper\"

didnotinterestme；whatlittlewashingwemightwantcouldwait，Ithought。Butthe\"pianettebyWoffenkoff\"soundedalluring。I

picturedEthelberthaplayingintheevening——somethingwithachorus，inwhich，perhaps，thecrew，withalittletraining，mightjoin——whileourmovinghomebounded，\"greyhound—like，\"overthesilverybillows。

Itookacabanddrovedirectto3ABucklersbury。Mr。Pertweewasanunpretentious—lookinggentleman，whohadanunostentatiousofficeonthethirdfloor。Heshowedmeapictureinwater—coloursoftheRogueflyingbeforethewind。Thedeckwasatanangleof95totheocean。Inthepicturenohumanbeingswererepresentedonthedeck；Isupposetheyhadslippedoff。Indeed，Idonotseehowanyonecouldhavekepton，unlessnailed。Ipointedoutthisdisadvantagetotheagent，who，however，explainedtomethatthepicturerepresentedtheRoguedoublingsomethingorotheronthewell—knownoccasionofherwinningtheMedwayChallengeShield。

Mr。PertweeassumedthatIknewallabouttheevent，sothatIdidnotliketoaskanyquestions。Twospecksneartheframeofthepicture，whichatfirstIhadtakenformoths，represented，itappeared，thesecondandthirdwinnersinthiscelebratedrace。A

photographoftheyachtatanchoroffGravesendwaslessimpressive，butsuggestedmorestability。Allanswerstomyinquiriesbeingsatisfactory，Itookthethingforafortnight。

Mr。PertweesaiditwasfortunateIwanteditonlyforafortnight—

—lateronIcametoagreewithhim，——thetimefittinginexactlywithanotherhiring。HadIrequireditforthreeweekshewouldhavebeencompelledtorefuseme。

Thelettingbeingthusarranged，Mr。PertweeaskedmeifIhadaskipperinmyeye。ThatIhadnotwasalsofortunate——thingsseemedtobeturningoutluckilyformeallround，——becauseMr。

PertweefeltsureIcouldnotdobetterthankeeponMr。Goyles，atpresentincharge——anexcellentskipper，soMr。Pertweeassuredme，amanwhoknewtheseaasamanknowshisownwife，andwhohadneverlostalife。

Itwasstillearlyintheday，andtheyachtwaslyingoffHarwich。

Icaughtthetenforty—fivefromLiverpoolStreet，andbyoneo’clockwastalkingtoMr。Goylesondeck。Hewasastoutman，andhadafatherlywaywithhim。Itoldhimmyidea，whichwastotaketheoutlyingDutchislandsandthencreepuptoNorway。Hesaid，\"Aye，aye，sir，\"andappearedquiteenthusiasticaboutthetrip；

saidheshouldenjoyithimself。Wecametothequestionofvictualling，andhegrewmoreenthusiastic。TheamountoffoodsuggestedbyMr。Goyles，Iconfess，surprisedme。HadwebeenlivinginthedaysofDrakeandtheSpanishMain，Ishouldhavefearedhewasarrangingforsomethingillegal。However，helaughedinhisfatherlyway，andassuredmewewerenotoverdoingit。

Anythingleftthecrewwoulddivideandtakehomewiththem——itseemedthiswasthecustom。ItappearedtomethatIwasprovidingforthiscrewforthewinter，butIdidnotliketoappearstingy，andsaidnomore。Theamountofdrinkrequiredalsosurprisedme。

IarrangedforwhatIthoughtweshouldneedforourselves，andthenMr。Goylesspokeupforthecrew。Imustsaythatforhim，hedidthinkofhismen。

\"Wedon’twantanythinginthenatureofanorgie，Mr。Goyles，\"I

suggested。

\"Orgie！\"repliedMr。Goyles；\"whythey’lltakethatlittledropintheirtea。\"

Heexplainedtomethathismottowas，Getgoodmenandtreatthemwell。

\"Theyworkbetterforyou，\"saidMr。Goyles；\"andtheycomeagain。\"

Personally，Ididn’tfeelIwantedthemtocomeagain。IwasbeginningtotakeadisliketothembeforeIhadseenthem；I

regardedthemasagreedyandguzzlingcrew。ButMr。Goyleswassocheerfullyemphatic，andIwassoinexperienced，thatagainIlethimhavehisway。Healsopromisedthateveninthisdepartmenthewouldseetoitpersonallythatnothingwaswasted。

Ialsolefthimtoengagethecrew。Hesaidhecoulddothething，andwould，forme，withthehelptwomenandaboy。Ifhewasalludingtotheclearingupofthevictualsanddrink，Ithinkhewasmakinganunder—estimate；butpossiblyhemayhavebeenspeakingofthesailingoftheyacht。

Icalledatmytailorsonthewayhomeandorderedayachtingsuit，withawhitehat，whichtheypromisedtobustleupandhavereadyintime；andthenIwenthomeandtoldEthelberthaallIhaddone。

Herdelightwascloudedbyonlyonereflection——wouldthedressmakerbeabletofinishayachtingcostumeforherintime？

Thatissolikeawoman。

Ourhoneymoon，whichhadtakenplacenotverylongbefore，hadbeensomewhatcurtailed，sowedecidedwewouldinvitenobody，buthavetheyachttoourselves。AndthankfulIamtoHeaventhatwedidsodecide。OnMondayweputonallourclothesandstarted。IforgetwhatEthelberthawore，but，whateveritmayhavebeen，itlookedveryfetching。Myowncostumewasadarkbluetrimmedwithanarrowwhitebraid，which，Ithink，wasrathereffective。

Mr。Goylesmetusondeck，andtoldusthatlunchwasready。I

mustadmitGoyleshadsecuredtheservicesofaveryfaircook。

ThecapabilitiesoftheothermembersofthecrewIhadnoopportunityofjudging。Speakingoftheminastateofrest，however，Icansayofthemtheyappearedtobeacheerfulcrew。

Myideahadbeenthatsosoonasthemenhadfinishedtheirdinnerwewouldweighanchor，whileI，smokingacigar，withEthelberthabymyside，wouldleanoverthegunwaleandwatchthewhitecliffsoftheFatherlandsinkimperceptiblyintothehorizon。EthelberthaandIcarriedoutourpartoftheprogramme，andwaited，withthedecktoourselves。

\"Theyseemtobetakingtheirtime，\"saidEthelbertha。

\"If，inthecourseoffourteendays，\"Isaid，\"theyeathalfofwhatisonthisyacht，theywillwantafairlylongtimeforeverymeal。Wehadbetternothurrythem，ortheywon’tgetthroughaquarterofit。\"

\"Theymusthavegonetosleep，\"saidEthelbertha，lateron。\"Itwillbetea—timesoon。\"

Theywerecertainlyveryquiet。Iwentfor’ard，andhailedCaptainGoylesdowntheladder。Ihailedhimthreetimes；thenhecameupslowly。HeappearedtobeaheavierandoldermanthanwhenIhadseenhimlast。Hehadacoldcigarinhismouth。

\"Whenyouareready，CaptainGoyles，\"Isaid，\"we’llstart。\"

CaptainGoylesremovedthecigarfromhismouth。

\"Notto—daywewon’t，sir，\"hereplied，\"WITHyourpermission。\"

\"Why，what’sthematterwithto—day？\"Isaid。Iknowsailorsareasuperstitiousfolk；IthoughtmaybeaMondaymightbeconsideredunlucky。

\"Theday’sallright，\"answeredCaptainGoyles，\"it’sthewindI’ma—thinkingof。Itdon’tlookmuchlikechanging。\"

\"Butdowewantittochange？\"Iasked。\"Itseemstometobejustwhereitshouldbe，deadbehindus。\"

\"Aye，aye，\"saidCaptainGoyles，\"dead’stherightwordtouse，fordeadwe’dallbe，barProvidence，ifwewastoputoutinthis。

Yousee，sir，\"heexplained，inanswertomylookofsurprise，\"thisiswhatwecalla’landwind，’thatis，it’sa—blowing，asonemightsay，directofftheland。\"

WhenIcametothinkofitthemanwasright；thewindwasblowingofftheland。

\"Itmaychangeinthenight，\"saidCaptainGoyles，morehopefully\"anyhow，it’snotviolent，andsherideswell。\"

CaptainGoylesresumedhiscigar，andIreturnedaft，andexplainedtoEthelberthathereasonforthedelay。Ethelbertha，whoappearedtobelesshighspiritedthanwhenwefirstboarded，wantedtoknowWHYwecouldn’tsailwhenthewindwasofftheland。

\"Ifitwasnotblowingofftheland，\"saidEthelbertha，\"itwouldbeblowingoffthesea，andthatwouldsendusbackintotheshoreagain。Itseemstomethisisjusttheverywindwewant。\"

Isaid：\"Thatisyourinexperience，love；itSEEMStobetheverywindwewant，butitisnot。It’swhatwecallalandwind，andalandwindisalwaysverydangerous。\"

EthelberthawantedtoknowWHYalandwindwasverydangerous。

Herargumentativenessannoyedmesomewhat；maybeIwasfeelingabitcross；themonotonousrollingheaveofasmallyachtatanchordepressesanardentspirit。

\"Ican’texplainittoyou，\"Ireplied，whichwastrue，\"buttosetsailinthiswindwouldbetheheightoffoolhardiness，andIcareforyoutoomuch，dear，toexposeyoutounnecessaryrisks。\"

Ithoughtthisratheraneatconclusion，butEthelberthamerelyrepliedthatshewished，underthecircumstances，wehadn’tcomeonboardtillTuesday，andwentbelow。

Inthemorningthewindveeredroundtothenorth；Iwasupearly，andobservedthistoCaptainGoyles。

\"Aye，aye，sir，\"heremarked；\"it’sunfortunate，butitcan’tbehelped。\"

\"Youdon’tthinkitpossibleforustostartto—day？\"Ihazarded。

Hedidnotgetangrywithme，heonlylaughed。

\"Well，sir，\"saidhe，\"ifyouwasa—wantingtogotoIpswich，I

shouldsayasitcouldn’tbebetterforus，butourdestinationbeing，asyousee，theDutchcoast——whythereyouare！\"

IbrokethenewstoEthelbertha，andweagreedtospendthedayonshore。Harwichisnotamerrytown，towardseveningyoumightcallitdull。WehadsometeaandwatercressatDovercourt，andthenreturnedtothequaytolookforCaptainGoylesandtheboat。Wewaitedanhourforhim。Whenhecamehewasmorecheerfulthanwewere；ifhehadnottoldmehimselfthatheneverdrankanythingbutoneglassofhotgrogbeforeturninginforthenight，Ishouldhavesaidhewasdrunk。

Thenextmorningthewindwasinthesouth，whichmadeCaptainGoylesratheranxious，itappearingthatitwasequallyunsafetomoveortostopwherewewere；ouronlyhopewasitwouldchangebeforeanythinghappened。Bythistime，Ethelberthahadtakenadisliketotheyacht；shesaidthat，personally，shewouldratherbespendingaweekinabathingmachine，seeingthatabathingmachinewasatleaststeady。

WepassedanotherdayinHarwich，andthatnightandthenext，thewindstillcontinuinginthesouth，wesleptatthe\"King’sHead。\"

OnFridaythewindwasblowingdirectfromtheeast。ImetCaptainGoylesonthequay，andsuggestedthat，underthesecircumstances，wemightstart。Heappearedirritatedatmypersistence。

\"Ifyouknewabitmore，sir，\"hesaid，\"you’dseeforyourselfthatit’simpossible。Thewind’sa—blowingdirectoffthesea。\"

Isaid：\"CaptainGoyles，tellmewhatisthisthingIhavehired？

Isitayachtorahouse—boat？\"

Heseemedsurprisedatmyquestion。

Hesaid：\"It’sayawl。\"

\"WhatImeanis，\"Isaid，\"canitbemovedatall，orisitafixturehere？Ifitisafixture，\"Icontinued，\"tellmesofrankly，thenwewillgetsomeivyinboxesandtrainovertheport—holes，sticksomeflowersandanawningondeck，andmakethethinglookpretty。If，ontheotherhand，itcanbemoved——\"

\"Moved！\"interruptedCaptainGoyles。\"YougettherightwindbehindtheRogue——\"

Isaid：\"Whatistherightwind？\"

CaptainGoyleslookedpuzzled。

\"Inthecourseofthisweek，\"Iwenton，\"wehavehadwindfromthenorth，fromthesouth，fromtheeast，fromthewest——withvariations。Ifyoucanthinkofanyotherpointofthecompassfromwhichitcanblow，tellme，andIwillwaitforit。Ifnot，andifthatanchorhasnotgrownintothebottomoftheocean，wewillhaveitupto—dayandseewhathappens。\"

HegraspedthefactthatIwasdetermined。

\"Verywell，sir，\"hesaid，\"you’remasterandI’mman。I’veonlygotonechildasisstilldependentonme，thankGod，andnodoubtyourexecutorswillfeelittheirdutytodotherightthingbytheoldwoman。\"

Hissolemnityimpressedme。

\"Mr。Goyles，\"Isaid，\"behonestwithme。Isthereanyhope，inanyweather，ofgettingawayfromthisdamnedhole？\"

CaptainGoyles’skindlygenialityreturnedtohim。

\"Yousee，sir，\"hesaid，\"thisisaverypeculiarcoast。We’dbeallrightifwewereonceout，butgettingawayfromitinacockle—shelllikethat——well，tobefrank，sir，itwantsdoing。\"

IleftCaptainGoyleswiththeassurancethathewouldwatchtheweatherasamotherwouldhersleepingbabe；itwashisownsimile，anditstruckmeasrathertouching。Isawhimagainattwelveo’clock；hewaswatchingitfromthewindowofthe\"ChainandAnchor。\"

Atfiveo’clockthateveningastrokeofluckoccurred；inthemiddleoftheHighStreetImetacoupleofyachtingfriends，whohadhadtoputinbyreasonofastrainedrudder。Itoldthemmystory，andtheyappearedlesssurprisedthanamused。CaptainGoylesandthetwomenwerestillwatchingtheweather。Iranintothe\"King’sHead，\"andpreparedEthelbertha。Thefourofuscreptquietlydowntothequay，wherewefoundourboat。Onlytheboywasonboard；mytwofriendstookchargeoftheyacht，andbysixo’clockwewerescuddingmerrilyupthecoast。

WeputinthatnightatAldborough，andthenextdayworkeduptoYarmouth，where，asmyfriendshadtoleave，Idecidedtoabandontheyacht。WesoldthestoresbyauctiononYarmouthsandsearlyinthemorning。Imadealoss，buthadthesatisfactionof\"doing\"

CaptainGoyles。IlefttheRogueinchargeofalocalmariner，who，foracoupleofsovereigns，undertooktoseetoitsreturntoHarwich；andwecamebacktoLondonbytrain。TheremaybeyachtsotherthantheRogue，andskippersotherthanMr。Goyles，butthatexperiencehasprejudicedmeagainstboth。

Georgealsothoughtayachtwouldbeagooddealofresponsibility，sowedismissedtheidea。

\"Whatabouttheriver？\"suggestedHarris。

\"Wehavehadsomepleasanttimesonthat。\"

Georgepulledinsilenceathiscigar，andIcrackedanothernut。

\"Theriverisnotwhatitusedtobe，\"saidI；\"Idon’tknowwhat，butthere’sasomething——adampness——abouttheriverairthatalwaysstartsmylumbago。\"

\"It’sthesamewithme，\"saidGeorge。\"Idon’tknowhowitis，butInevercansleepnowintheneighbourhoodoftheriver。IspentaweekatJoe’splaceinthespring，andeverynightIwokeupatseveno’clockandnevergotawinkafterwards。\"

\"Imerelysuggestedit，\"observedHarris。\"Personally，Idon’tthinkitgoodforme，either；ittouchesmygout。\"

\"Whatsuitsmebest，\"Isaid，\"ismountainair。WhatsayyoutoawalkingtourinScotland？\"

\"It’salwayswetinScotland，\"saidGeorge。\"IwasthreeweeksinScotlandtheyearbeforelast，andwasneverdryonceallthetime—

—notinthatsense。\"

\"It’sfineenoughinSwitzerland，\"saidHarris。

\"TheywouldneverstandourgoingtoSwitzerlandbyourselves，\"I

objected。\"Youknowwhathappenedlasttime。Itmustbesomeplacewherenodelicatelynurturedwomanorchildcouldpossiblylive；acountryofbadhotelsandcomfortlesstravelling；whereweshallhavetoroughit，toworkhard，tostarveperhaps——\"

\"Easy！\"interruptedGeorge，\"easy，there！Don’tforgetI’mcomingwithyou。\"

\"Ihaveit！\"exclaimedHarris；\"abicycletour！\"

Georgelookeddoubtful。

\"There’salotofuphillaboutabicycletour，\"saidhe，\"andthewindisagainstyou。\"

\"Sothereisdownhill，andthewindbehindyou，\"saidHarris。

\"I’venevernoticedit，\"saidGeorge。

\"Youwon’tthinkofanythingbetterthanabicycletour，\"persistedHarris。

Iwasinclinedtoagreewithhim。

\"AndI’lltellyouwhere，\"continuedhe；\"throughtheBlackForest。\"

\"Why，that’sALLuphill，\"saidGeorge。

\"Notall，\"retortedHarris；\"saytwo—thirds。Andthere’sonethingyou’veforgotten。\"

Helookedroundcautiously，andsunkhisvoicetoawhisper。

\"Therearelittlerailwaysgoingupthosehills，littlecogwheelthingsthat——\"

Thedooropened，andMrs。Harrisappeared。ShesaidthatEthelberthawasputtingonherbonnet，andthatMuriel，afterwaiting，hadgiven\"TheMadHatter’sTeaParty\"withoutus。

\"Club，to—morrow，atfour，\"whisperedHarristome，asherose，andIpasseditontoGeorgeaswewentupstairsCHAPTERII

Adelicatebusiness——WhatEthelberthamighthavesaid——Whatshedidsay——WhatMrs。Harrissaid——WhatwetoldGeorge——WewillstartonWednesday——Georgesuggeststhepossibilityofimprovingourminds——

HarrisandIaredoubtful——Whichmanonatandemdoesthemostwork？——Theopinionofthemaninfront——Viewsofthemanbehind——

HowHarrislosthiswife——Theluggagequestion——ThewisdomofmylateUnclePodger——Beginningofstoryaboutamanwhohadabag。

IopenedtheballwithEthelberthathatsameevening。Icommencedbybeingpurposelyalittleirritable。MyideawasthatEthelberthawouldremarkuponthis。Ishouldadmitit，andaccountforitbyoverbrainpressure。Thiswouldnaturallyleadtotalkaboutmyhealthingeneral，andtheevidentnecessitytherewasformytakingpromptandvigorousmeasures。IthoughtthatwithalittletactImightevenmanagesothatthesuggestionshouldcomefromEthelberthaherself。Iimaginedhersaying：\"No，dear，itischangeyouwant；completechange。Nowbepersuadedbyme，andgoawayforamonth。No，donotaskmetocomewithyou。IknowyouwouldratherthatIdid，butIwillnot。Itisthesocietyofothermenyouneed。TryandpersuadeGeorgeandHarristogowithyou。Believeme，ahighlystrungbrainsuchasyoursdemandsoccasionalrelaxationfromthestrainofdomesticsurroundings。

Forgetforalittlewhilethatchildrenwantmusiclessons，andboots，andbicycles，withtinctureofrhubarbthreetimesaday；

forgettherearesuchthingsinlifeascooks，andhousedecorators，andnext—doordogs，andbutchers’bills。Goawaytosomegreencorneroftheearth，whereallisnewandstrangetoyou，whereyourover—wroughtmindwillgatherpeaceandfreshideas。Goawayforaspaceandgivemetimetomissyou，andtoreflectuponyourgoodnessandvirtue，which，continuallypresentwithme，Imay，human—like，beapttoforget，asone，throughuse，growsindifferenttotheblessingofthesunandthebeautyofthemoon。Goaway，andcomebackrefreshedinmindandbody，abrighter，betterman——ifthatbepossible——thanwhenyouwentaway。\"

Butevenwhenweobtainourdesirestheynevercometousgarbedaswewouldwish。Tobeginwith，EthelberthadidnotseemtoremarkthatIwasirritable；Ihadtodrawherattentiontoit。Isaid：

\"Youmustforgiveme，I’mnotfeelingquitemyselfto—night。\"

Shesaid：\"Oh！Ihavenotnoticedanythingdifferent；what’sthematterwithyou？\"

\"Ican’ttellyouwhatitis，\"Isaid；\"I’vefeltitcomingonforweeks。\"

\"It’sthatwhisky，\"saidEthelbertha。\"YounevertouchitexceptwhenwegototheHarris’s。Youknowyoucan’tstandit；youhavenotastronghead。\"

\"Itisn’tthewhisky，\"Ireplied；\"it’sdeeperthanthat。Ifancyit’smorementalthanbodily。\"

\"You’vebeenreadingthosecriticismsagain，\"saidEthelbertha，moresympathetically；\"whydon’tyoutakemyadviceandputthemonthefire？\"

\"Anditisn’tthecriticisms，\"Ianswered；\"they’vebeenquiteflatteringoflate——oneortwoofthem。\"

\"Well，whatisit？\"saidEthelbertha；\"theremustbesomethingtoaccountforit。\"

\"No，thereisn’t，\"Ireplied；\"that’stheremarkablethingaboutit；Icanonlydescribeitasastrangefeelingofunrestthatseemstohavetakenpossessionofme。\"

Ethelberthaglancedacrossatmewithasomewhatcuriousexpression，Ithought；butasshesaidnothing，Icontinuedtheargumentmyself。

\"Thisachingmonotonyoflife，thesedaysofpeaceful，uneventfulfelicity，theyappalone。\"

\"Ishouldnotgrumbleatthem，\"saidEthelbertha；\"wemightgetsomeoftheothersort，andlikethemstillless。\"

\"I’mnotsosureofthat，\"Ireplied。\"Inalifeofcontinuousjoy，Icanimagineevenpaincomingasawelcomevariation。I

wondersometimeswhetherthesaintsinheavendonotoccasionallyfeelthecontinualserenityaburden。Tomyselfalifeofendlessbliss，uninterruptedbyasinglecontrastingnote，would，Ifeel，growmaddening。Isuppose，\"Icontinued，\"Iamastrangesortofman；Icanhardlyunderstandmyselfattimes。Therearemoments，\"

Iadded，\"whenIhatemyself。\"

Oftenalittlespeechlikethis，hintingathiddendepthsofindescribableemotionhastouchedEthelbertha，butto—nightsheappearedstrangelyunsympathetic。Withregardtoheavenanditspossibleeffectuponme，shesuggestedmynotworryingmyselfaboutthat，remarkingitwasalwaysfoolishtogohalf—waytomeettroublethatmightnevercome；whileastomybeingastrangesortoffellow，that，shesupposed，Icouldnothelp，andifotherpeoplewerewillingtoputupwithme，therewasanendofthematter。Themonotonyoflife，sheadded，wasacommonexperience；

thereshecouldsympathisewithme。

\"Youdon’tknowIlong，\"saidEthelbertha，\"togetawayoccasionally，evenfromyou；butIknowitcanneverbe，soIdonotbrooduponit。\"

IhadneverheardEthelberthaspeaklikethisbefore；itastonishedandgrievedmebeyondmeasure。

\"That’snotaverykindremarktomake，\"Isaid，\"notawifelyremark。\"

\"Iknowitisn’t，\"shereplied；\"thatiswhyIhaveneversaiditbefore。Youmennevercanunderstand，\"continuedEthelbertha，\"that，howeverfondawomanmaybeofaman，therearetimeswhenhepallsuponher。Youdon’tknowhowIlongtobeablesometimestoputonmybonnetandgoout，withnobodytoaskmewhereIamgoing，whyIamgoing，howlongIamgoingtobe，andwhenIshallbeback。Youdon’tknowhowIsometimeslongtoorderadinnerthatIshouldlikeandthatthechildrenwouldlike，butatthesightofwhichyouwouldputonyourhatandbeofftotheClub。

Youdon’tknowhowmuchIfeelinclinedsometimestoinvitesomewomanherethatIlike，andthatIknowyoudon’t；togoandseethepeoplethatIwanttosee，togotobedwhen_I_amtired，andtogetupwhen_I_feelIwanttogetup。Twopeoplelivingtogetherareboundbothtobecontinuallysacrificingtheirowndesirestotheotherone。Itissometimesagoodthingtoslackenthestrainabit。\"

OnthinkingoverEthelbertha’swordsafterwards，havecometoseetheirwisdom；butatthetimeIadmitIwashurtandindignant。

\"Ifyourdesire，\"Isaid，\"istogetridofme——\"

\"Now，don’tbeanoldgoose，\"saidEthelbertha；\"Ionlywanttogetridofyouforalittlewhile，justlongenoughtoforgetthereareoneortwocornersaboutyouthatarenotperfect，justlongenoughtoletmerememberwhatadearfellowyouareinotherrespects，andtolookforwardtoyourreturn，asIusedtolookforwardtoyourcomingintheolddayswhenIdidnotseeyousooftenastobecome，perhaps，alittleindifferenttoyou，asonegrowsindifferenttothegloryofthesun，justbecauseheisthereeveryday。\"

IdidnotlikethetonethatEthelberthatook。Thereseemedtobeafrivolityabouther，unsuitedtothethemeintowhichwehaddrifted。Thatawomanshouldcontemplatecheerfullyanabsenceofthreeorfourweeksfromherhusbandappearedtometobenotaltogethernice，notwhatIcallwomanly；itwasnotlikeEthelberthaatall。Iwasworried，IfeltIdidn’twanttogothistripatall。IfithadnotbeenforGeorgeandHarris，Iwouldhaveabandonedit。Asitwas，Icouldnotseehowtochangemymindwithdignity。

\"Verywell，Ethelbertha，\"Ireplied，\"itshallbeasyouwish。Ifyoudesireaholidayfrommypresence，youshallenjoyit；butifitbenotimpertinentcuriosityonthepartofahusband，Ishouldliketoknowwhatyouproposedoinginmyabsence？\"

\"WewilltakethathouseatFolkestone，\"answeredEthelbertha，\"andI’llgodowntherewithKate。AndifyouwanttodoClaraHarrisagoodturn，\"addedEthelbertha，\"you’llpersuadeHarristogowithyou，andthenClaracanjoinus。Wethreeusedtohavesomeveryjollytimestogetherbeforeyoumenevercamealong，anditwouldbejustdelightfultorenewthem。Doyouthink，\"continuedEthelbertha，\"thatyoucouldpersuadeMr。Harristogowithyou？\"

IsaidIwouldtry。

\"There’sadearboy，\"saidEthelbertha；\"tryhard。YoumightgetGeorgetojoinyou。\"

IrepliedtherewasnotmuchadvantageinGeorge’scoming，seeinghewasabachelor，andthatthereforenobodywouldbemuchbenefitedbyhisabsence。Butawomanneverunderstandssatire。

Ethelberthamerelyremarkeditwouldlookunkindleavinghimbehind。Ipromisedtoputittohim。

ImetHarrisattheClubintheafternoon，andaskedhimhowhehadgoton。

Hesaid，\"Oh，that’sallright；there’snodifficultyaboutgettingaway。\"

Buttherewasthatabouthistonethatsuggestedincompletesatisfaction，soIpressedhimforfurtherdetails。

\"Shewasassweetasmilkaboutit，\"hecontinued；\"saiditwasanexcellentideaofGeorge’s，andthatshethoughtitwoulddomegood。\"

\"Thatseemsallright，\"Isaid；\"what’swrongaboutthat？\"

\"There’snothingwrongaboutthat，\"heanswered，\"butthatwasn’tall。Shewentontotalkofotherthings。\"

\"Iunderstand，\"Isaid。

\"There’sthatbathroomfadofhers，\"hecontinued。

\"I’veheardofit，\"Isaid；\"shehasstartedEthelberthaonthesameidea。\"

\"Well，I’vehadtoagreetothatbeingputinhandatonce；I

couldn’targueanymorewhenshewassoniceabouttheotherthing。

Thatwillcostmeahundredpounds，attheveryleast。\"

\"Asmuchasthat？\"Iasked。

\"Everypennyofit，\"saidHarris；\"theestimatealoneissixty。\"

Iwassorrytohearhimsaythis。

\"Thenthere’sthekitchenstove，\"continuedHarris；\"everythingthathasgonewronginthehouseforthelasttwoyearshasbeenthefaultofthatkitchenstove。\"

\"Iknow，\"Isaid。\"Wehavebeeninsevenhousessinceweweremarried，andeverykitchenstovehasbeenworsethanthelast。Ourpresentoneisnotonlyincompetent；itisspiteful。Itknowswhenwearegivingaparty，andgoesoutofitswaytodoitsworst。\"

\"WEaregoingtohaveanewone，\"saidHarris，buthedidnotsayitproudly。\"Clarathoughtitwouldbesuchasavingofexpense，havingthetwothingsdoneatthesametime。Ibelieve，\"saidHarris，\"ifawomanwantedadiamondtiara，shewouldexplainthatitwastosavetheexpenseofabonnet。\"

\"Howmuchdoyoureckonthestoveisgoingtocostyou？\"Iasked。

Ifeltinterestedinthesubject。

\"Idon’tknow，\"answeredHarris；\"anothertwenty，Isuppose。Thenwetalkedaboutthepiano。Couldyouevernotice，\"saidHarris，\"anydifferencebetweenonepianoandanother？\"

\"Someofthemseemtobeabitlouderthanothers，\"Ianswered；

\"butonegetsusedtothat。\"

\"Oursisallwrongaboutthetreble，\"saidHarris。\"Bytheway，whatISthetreble？\"

\"It’stheshrillendofthething，\"Iexplained；\"thepartthatsoundsasifyou’dtrodonitstail。Thebrilliantselectionsalwaysendupwithaflourishonit。\"

\"Theywantmoreofit，\"saidHarris；\"ouroldonehasn’tgotenoughofit。I’llhavetoputitinthenursery，andgetanewoneforthedrawing—room。\"

\"Anythingelse？\"Iasked。

\"No，\"saidHarris；\"shedidn’tseemabletothinkofanythingelse。\"

\"You’llfindwhenyougethome，\"Isaid，\"shehasthoughtofoneotherthing。\"

\"What’sthat？\"saidHarris。

\"AhouseatFolkestonefortheseason。\"

\"WhatshouldshewantahouseatFolkestonefor？\"saidHarris。

\"Tolivein，\"Isuggested，\"duringthesummermonths。\"

\"She’sgoingtoherpeopleinWales，\"saidHarris，\"fortheholidays，withthechildren；we’vehadaninvitation。\"

\"Possibly，\"Isaid，\"she’llgotoWalesbeforeshegoestoFolkestone，ormaybeshe’lltakeWalesonherwayhome；butshe’llwantahouseatFolkestonefortheseason，notwithstanding。Imaybemistaken——IhopeforyoursakethatIam——butIfeelapresentimentthatI’mnot。\"

\"Thistrip，\"saidHarris，\"isgoingtobeexpensive。\"

\"Itwasanidioticsuggestion，\"Isaid，\"fromthebeginning。\"

\"Itwasfoolishofustolistentohim，\"saidHarris；\"he’llgetusintorealtroubleoneofthesedays。\"

\"Healwayswasamuddler，\"Iagreed。

\"Soheadstrong，\"addedHarris。

Weheardhisvoiceatthatmomentinthehall，askingforletters。

\"Betternotsayanythingtohim，\"Isuggested；\"it’stoolatetogobacknow。\"

\"Therewouldbenoadvantageindoingso，\"repliedHarris。\"I

shouldhavetogetthatbathroomandpianoinanycasenow。\"

Hecameinlookingverycheerful。

\"Well，\"hesaid，\"isitallright？Haveyoumanagedit？\"

TherewasthatabouthistoneIdidnotaltogetherlike；InoticedHarrisresenteditalso。

\"Managedwhat？\"Isaid。

\"Why，togetoff，\"saidGeorge。

IfeltthetimewascometoexplainthingstoGeorge。

\"Inmarriedlife，\"Isaid，\"themanproposes，thewomansubmits。

Itisherduty；allreligionteachesit。\"

Georgefoldedhishandsandfixedhiseyesontheceiling。

\"Wemaychaffandjokealittleaboutthesethings，\"Icontinued；

\"butwhenitcomestopractice，thatiswhatalwayshappens。Wehavementionedtoourwivesthatwearegoing。Naturally，theyaregrieved；theywouldprefertocomewithus；failingthat，theywouldhaveusremainwiththem。Butwehaveexplainedtothemourwishesonthesubject，and——there’sanendofthematter。\"

Georgesaid，\"Forgiveme；Ididnotunderstand。Iamonlyabachelor。Peopletellmethis，that，andtheother，andIlisten。\"

Isaid，\"Thatiswhereyoudowrong。WhenyouwantinformationcometoHarrisormyself；wewilltellyouthetruthaboutthesequestions。\"

Georgethankedus，andweproceededwiththebusinessinhand。

\"Whenshallwestart？\"saidGeorge。

\"SofarasIamconcerned，\"repliedHarris，\"thesoonerthebetter。\"

Hisidea，Ifancy，wastogetawaybeforeMrs。H。thoughtofotherthings。WefixedthefollowingWednesday。

\"Whataboutroute？\"saidHarris。

\"Ihaveanidea，\"saidGeorge。\"Itakeityoufellowsarenaturallyanxioustoimproveyourminds？\"

Isaid，\"Wedon’twanttobecomemonstrosities。Toareasonabledegree，yes，ifitcanbedonewithoutmuchexpenseandwithlittlepersonaltrouble。\"

\"Itcan，\"saidGeorge。\"WeknowHollandandtheRhine。Verywell，mysuggestionisthatwetaketheboattoHamburg，seeBerlinandDresden，andworkourwaytotheSchwarzwald，throughNurembergandStuttgart。\"

\"TherearesomeprettybitsinMesopotamia，soI’vebeentold，\"

murmuredHarris。

GeorgesaidMesopotamiawastoomuchoutofourway，butthattheBerlin—Dresdenroutewasquitepracticable。Forgoodorevil，hepersuadedusintoit。

\"Themachines，Isuppose，\"saidGeorge，\"asbefore。HarrisandI

onthetandem，J。——\"

\"Ithinknot，\"interruptedHarris，firmly。\"YouandJ。onthetandem，Ionthesingle。\"

\"Allthesametome，\"agreedGeorge。\"J。andIonthetandem，Harris——\"

\"Idonotmindtakingmyturn，\"Iinterrupted，\"butIamnotgoingtocarryGeorgeALLtheway；theburdenshouldbedivided。\"

\"Verywell，\"agreedHarris，\"we’lldivideit。Butitmustbeonthedistinctunderstandingthatheworks。\"

\"Thathewhat？\"saidGeorge。

\"Thatheworks，\"repeatedHarris，firmly；\"atallevents，uphill。\"

\"GreatScott！\"saidGeorge；\"don’tyouwantANYexercise？\"

Thereisalwaysunpleasantnessaboutthistandem。Itisthetheoryofthemaninfrontthatthemanbehinddoesnothing；itisequallythetheoryofthemanbehindthathealoneisthemotivepower，themaninfrontmerelydoingthepuffing。Themysterywillneverbesolved。ItisannoyingwhenPrudenceiswhisperingtoyouontheonesidenottooverdoyourstrengthandbringonheartdisease；

whileJusticeintotheotherearisremarking，\"Whyshouldyoudoitall？Thisisn’tacab。He’snotyourpassenger：\"tohearhimgruntout：

\"What’sthematter——lostyourpedals？\"

Harris，inhisearlymarrieddays，mademuchtroubleforhimselfononeoccasion，owingtothisimpossibilityofknowingwhatthepersonbehindisdoing。HewasridingwithhiswifethroughHolland。Theroadswerestony，andthemachinejumpedagooddeal。

\"Sittight，\"saidHarris，withoutturninghishead。

WhatMrs。Harristhoughthesaidwas，\"Jumpoff。\"Whysheshouldhavethoughthesaid\"Jumpoff，\"whenhesaid\"Sittight，\"neitherofthemcanexplain。

Mrs。Harrisputsitinthisway，\"Ifyouhadsaid，’Sittight，’whyshouldIhavejumpedoff？\"

Harrisputsit，\"IfIhadwantedyoutojumpoff，whyshouldIhavesaid’Sittight！’？\"

Thebitternessispast，buttheyargueaboutthemattertothisday。

Betheexplanationwhatitmay，however，nothingaltersthefactthatMrs。Harrisdidjumpoff，whileHarrispedalledawayhard，undertheimpressionshewasstillbehindhim。Itappearsthatatfirstshethoughthewasridingupthehillmerelytoshowoff。

Theywerebothyounginthosedays，andheusedtodothatsortofthing。Sheexpectedhimtospringtoearthonreachingthesummit，andleaninacarelessandgracefulattitudeagainstthemachine，waitingforher。When，onthecontrary，shesawhimpassthesummitandproceedrapidlydownalongandsteepincline，shewasseized，firstwithsurprise，secondlywithindignation，andlastlywithalarm。Sherantothetopofthehillandshouted，butheneverturnedhishead。Shewatchedhimdisappearintoawoodamileandahalfdistant，andthensatdownandcried。Theyhadhadaslightdifferencethatmorning，andshewonderedifhehadtakenitseriouslyandintendeddesertion。Shehadnomoney；sheknewnoDutch。Peoplepassed，andseemedsorryforher；shetriedtomakethemunderstandwhathadhappened。Theygatheredthatshehadlostsomething，butcouldnotgraspwhat。Theytookhertothenearestvillage，andfoundapolicemanforher。Heconcludedfromherpantomimethatsomemanhadstolenherbicycle。Theyputthetelegraphintooperation，anddiscoveredinavillagefourmilesoffanunfortunateboyridingalady’smachineofanobsoletepattern。Theybroughthimtoherinacart，butasshedidnotappeartowanteitherhimorhisbicycletheylethimgoagain，andresignedthemselvestobewilderment。

Meanwhile，Harriscontinuedhisridewithmuchenjoyment。Itseemedtohimthathehadsuddenlybecomeastronger，andineverywayamorecapablecyclist。SaidhetowhathethoughtwasMrs。

Harris：

\"Ihaven’tfeltthismachinesolightformonths。It’sthisair，I

think；it’sdoingmegood。\"

Thenhetoldhernottobeafraid，andhewouldshowherhowfastheCOULDgo。Hebentdownoverthehandles，andputhisheartintohiswork。Thebicycleboundedovertheroadlikeathingoflife；

farmhousesandchurches，dogsandchickenscametohimandpassed。

Oldfolksstoodandgazedathim，thechildrencheeredhim。

Inthiswayhespedmerrilyonwardforaboutfivemiles。Then，asheexplainsit，thefeelingbegantogrowuponhimthatsomethingwaswrong。Hewasnotsurprisedatthesilence；thewindwasblowingstrongly，andthemachinewasrattlingagooddeal。Itwasasenseofvoidthatcameuponhim。Hestretchedouthishandbehindhim，andfelt；therewasnothingtherebutspace。Hejumped，orratherfelloff，andlookedbackuptheroad；itstretchedwhiteandstraightthroughthedarkwood，andnotalivingsoulcouldbeseenuponit。Heremounted，androdebackupthehill。Intenminuteshecametowheretheroadbrokeintofour；therehedismountedandtriedtorememberwhichforkhehadcomedown。

Whilehewasdeliberatingamanpassed，sittingsidewaysonahorse。Harrisstoppedhim，andexplainedtohimthathehadlosthiswife。Themanappearedtobeneithersurprisednorsorryforhim。Whiletheyweretalkinganotherfarmercamealong，towhomthefirstmanexplainedthematter，notasanaccident，butasagoodstory。WhatappearedtosurprisethesecondmanmostwasthatHarrisshouldbemakingafussaboutthething。Hecouldgetnosenseoutofeitherofthem，andcursingthemhemountedhismachineagain，andtookthemiddleroadonchance。Half—wayup，hecameuponapartyoftwoyoungwomenwithoneyoungmanbetweenthem。Theyappearedtobemakingthemostofhim。Heaskedthemiftheyhadseenhiswife。Theyaskedhimwhatshewaslike。HedidnotknowenoughDutchtodescribeherproperly；allhecouldtellthemwasshewasaverybeautifulwoman，ofmediumsize。

Evidentlythisdidnotsatisfythem，thedescriptionwastoogeneral；anymancouldsaythat，andbythismeansperhapsgetpossessionofawifethatdidnotbelongtohim。Theyaskedhimhowshewasdressed；forthelifeofhimhecouldnotrecollect。

Idoubtifanymancouldtellhowanywomanwasdressedtenminutesafterhehadlefther。Herecollectedablueskirt，andthentherewassomethingthatcarriedthedresson，asitwere，uptotheneck。Possibly，thismayhavebeenablouse；heretainedadimvisionofabelt；butwhatsortofablouse？Wasitgreen，oryellow，orblue？Haditacollar，orwasitfastenedwithabow？

Weretherefeathersinherhat，orflowers？Orwasitahatatall？Hedarednotsay，forfearofmakingamistakeandbeingsentmilesafterthewrongparty。Thetwoyoungwomengiggled，whichinhisthenstateofmindirritatedHarris。Theyoungman，whoappearedanxioustogetridofhim，suggestedthepolicestationatthenexttown。Harrismadehiswaythere。Thepolicegavehimapieceofpaper，andtoldhimtowritedownafulldescriptionofhiswife，togetherwithdetailsofwhenandwherehehadlosther。

Hedidnotknowwherehehadlosther；allhecouldtellthemwasthenameofthevillagewherehehadlunched。Heknewhehadherwithhimthen，andthattheyhadstartedfromtheretogether。

Thepolicelookedsuspicious；theyweredoubtfulaboutthreematters：Firstly，wasshereallyhiswife？Secondly，hadhereallylosther？Thirdly，whyhadhelosther？Withtheaidofahotel—keeper，however，whospokealittleEnglish，heovercametheirscruples。Theypromisedtoact，andintheeveningtheybroughthertohiminacoveredwagon，togetherwithabillforexpenses。Themeetingwasnotatenderone。Mrs。Harrisisnotagoodactress，andalwayshasgreatdifficultyindisguisingherfeelings。Onthisoccasion，shefranklyadmits，shemadenoattempttodisguisethem。

Thewheelbusinesssettled，therearosetheever—lastingluggagequestion。

\"Theusuallist，Isuppose，\"saidGeorge，preparingtowrite。

ThatwaswisdomIhadtaughtthem；IhadlearneditmyselfyearsagofrommyUnclePodger。

\"Alwaysbeforebeginningtopack，\"myUnclewouldsay，\"makealist。\"

Hewasamethodicalman。

\"Takeapieceofpaper\"——healwaysbeganatthebeginning——\"putdownoniteverythingyoucanpossiblyrequire，thengooveritandseethatitcontainsnothingyoucanpossiblydowithout。Imagineyourselfinbed；whathaveyougoton？Verywell，putitdown——

togetherwithachange。Yougetup；whatdoyoudo？Washyourself。Whatdoyouwashyourselfwith？Soap；putdownsoap。

Goontillyouhavefinished。Thentakeyourclothes。Beginatyourfeet；whatdoyouwearonyourfeet？Boots，shoes，socks；putthemdown。Workuptillyougettoyourhead。Whatelsedoyouwantbesidesclothes？Alittlebrandy；putitdown。Acorkscrew，putitdown。Putdowneverything，thenyoudon’tforgetanything。\"

Thatistheplanhealwayspursuedhimself。Thelistmade，hewouldgooveritcarefully，ashealwaysadvised，toseethathehadforgottennothing。Thenhewouldgooveritagain，andstrikeouteverythingitwaspossibletodispensewith。

Thenhewouldlosethelist。

SaidGeorge：\"Justsufficientforadayortwowewilltakewithusonourbikes。Thebulkofourluggagewemustsendonfromtowntotown。\"

\"Wemustbecareful，\"Isaid；\"Iknewamanonce——\"

Harrislookedathiswatch。

\"We’llhearabouthimontheboat，\"saidHarris；\"IhavegottomeetClaraatWaterlooStationinhalfanhour。\"

\"Itwon’ttakehalfanhour，\"Isaid；\"it’satruestory，and——\"

\"Don’twasteit，\"saidGeorge：\"IamtoldtherearerainyeveningsintheBlackForest；wemayhegladofit。Whatwehavetodonowistofinishthislist。\"

NowIcometothinkofit，Ineverdidgetoffthatstory；

somethingalwaysinterruptedit。Anditreallywastrue。

CHAPTERIII

Harris’sonefault——HarrisandtheAngel——Apatentbicyclelamp——

Theidealsaddle——The\"Overhauler\"——Hiseagleeye——Hismethod——Hischeeryconfidence——Hissimpleandinexpensivetastes——Hisappearance——Howtogetridofhim——Georgeasprophet——Thegentleartofmakingoneselfdisagreeableinaforeigntongue——Georgeasastudentofhumannature——Heproposesanexperiment——HisPrudence——

Harris’ssupportsecured，uponconditions。

OnMondayafternoonHarriscameround；hehadacyclingpaperinhishand。

Isaid：\"Ifyoutakemyadvice，youwillleaveitalone。\"

Harrissaid：\"Leavewhatalone？\"

Isaid：\"Thatbrand—new，patent，revolutionincycling，record—

breaking，Tomfoolishness，whateveritmaybe，theadvertisementofwhichyouhavethereinyourhand。\"

Hesaid：\"Well，Idon’tknow；therewillbesomesteephillsforustonegotiate；Iguessweshallwantagoodbrake。\"

Isaid：\"Weshallwantabrake，Iagree；whatweshallnotwantisamechanicalsurprisethatwedon’tunderstand，andthatneveractswhenitiswanted。\"

\"Thisthing，\"hesaid，\"actsautomatically。\"

\"Youneedn’ttellme，\"Isaid。\"Iknowexactlywhatitwilldo，byinstinct。Goinguphillitwilljambthewheelsoeffectivelythatweshallhavetocarrythemachinebodily。Theairatthetopofthehillwilldoitgood，anditwillsuddenlycomerightagain。

Goingdownhillitwillstartreflectingwhatanuisanceithasbeen。Thiswillleadtoremorse，andfinallytodespair。Itwillsaytoitself：’I’mnotfittobeabrake。Idon’thelpthesefellows；Ionlyhinderthem。I’macurse，that’swhatIam；’and，withoutawordofwarning，itwill’chuck’thewholebusiness。

Thatiswhatthatbrakewilldo。Leaveitalone。Youareagoodfellow，\"Icontinued，\"butyouhaveonefault。\"

\"What？\"heasked，indignantly。

\"Youhavetoomuchfaith，\"Ianswered。\"Ifyoureadanadvertisement，yougoawayandbelieveit。Everyexperimentthateveryfoolhasthoughtofinconnectionwithcyclingyouhavetried。Yourguardianangelappearstobeacapableandconscientiousspirit，andhithertoshehasseenyouthrough；takemyadviceanddon’ttryhertoofar。Shemusthavehadabusytimesinceyoustartedcycling。Don’tgoontillyoumakehermad。\"

Hesaid：\"Ifeverymantalkedlikethattherewouldbenoadvancementmadeinanydepartmentoflife。Ifnobodyevertriedanewthingtheworldwouldcometoastandstill。Itisby——\"

\"Iknowallthatcanbesaidonthatsideoftheargument，\"I

interrupted。\"Iagreeintryingnewexperimentsuptothirty—five；

AFTERthirty—fiveIconsideramanisentitledtothinkofhimself。

YouandIhavedoneourdutyinthisdirection，youespecially。