第1章

Ihavetothankcordiallythepublicandmycriticsforthereceptiontheyhavegiventhislittlebook。

DealingwithasubjectthatisfarremovedfromtheroundofEnglishdailylife，itofnecessitylacksthecharmthathangsabouttheidealrepresentationoffamiliarthings，anditsreceptionhasthereforebeenthemorekindly。

Awordofexplanationisnecessary。Twostrangersappearonthescene，andsomehavefanciedthatinthesecondtheyhaveagainthefirst，whoreturnsinanewguise。Whythisshouldbewecannottell；unlessthereisafeelingthatamanshouldnotappearuponthescene，andthendisappear，leavingbehindhimnomoresubstantialtracethanamerebook；thatheshouldreturnlateronashusbandorlover，tofillsomemoreimportantpartthanthatofthemerestimulatorofthought。

Humanlifemaybepaintedaccordingtotwomethods。Thereisthestagemethod。Accordingtothateachcharacterisdulymarshalledatfirst，andticketed；weknowwithanimmutablecertaintythatattherightcriseseachonewillreappearandacthispart，and，whenthecurtainfalls，allwillstandbeforeitbowing。Thereisasenseofsatisfactioninthis，andofcompleteness。Butthereisanothermethod——themethodofthelifewealllead。Herenothingcanbeprophesied。Thereisastrangecomingandgoingoffeet。Menappear，actandre—actuponeachother，andpassaway。Whenthecrisiscomesthemanwhowouldfititdoesnotreturn。Whenthecurtainfallsnooneisready。Whenthefootlightsarebrightesttheyareblownout；andwhatthenameoftheplayisnooneknows。Iftheresitsaspectatorwhoknows，hesitssohighthattheplayersinthegaslightcannothearhisbreathing。Lifemaybepaintedaccordingtoeithermethod；

butthemethodsaredifferent。Thecanonsofcriticismthatbearupontheonecutcruellyupontheother。

Ithasbeensuggestedbyakindcriticthathewouldbetterhavelikedthelittlebookifithadbeenahistoryofwildadventure；ofcattledrivenintoinaccessiblekranzesbyBushmen；\"ofencounterswithraveninglions，andhair—breadthescapes。\"Thiscouldnotbe。SuchworksarebestwritteninPiccadillyorintheStrand：therethegiftsofthecreativeimagination，untrammelledbycontactwithanyfact，mayspreadtheirwings。

But，shouldonesitdowntopaintthescenesamongwhichhehasgrown，hewillfindthatthefactscreepinuponhim。Thosebrilliantphasesandshapeswhichtheimaginationseesinfar—offlandsarenotforhimtoportray。Sadlyhemustsqueezethecolourfromhisbrush，anddipitintothegraypigmentsaroundhim。Hemustpaintwhatliesbeforehim。

R。Iron……

\"Wemustseethefirstimageswhichtheexternalworldcastsuponthedarkmirrorofhismind；ormusthearthefirstwordswhichawakenthesleepingpowersofthought，andstandbyhisearliestefforts，ifwewouldunderstandtheprejudices，thehabits，andthepassionsthatwillrulehislife。Theentiremanis，sotospeak，tobefoundinthecradleofthechild。\"

AlexisdeTocqueville……

Glossary。

SeveralDutchandColonialwordsoccurringinthiswork，thesubjoinedGlossaryisgiven，explainingtheprincipal。

Allewereld！—Gosh！

Aasvogels—Vultures。

Benauwdheid—Indigestion。

Brakje—Alittlecuroflowdegree。

Bultong—Driedmeat。

Coop—HideandSeek。

Inspan—Toharness。

Kapje—Asun—bonnet。

Karoo—ThewidesandyplainsinsomepartsofSouthAfrica。

Karoo—bushes—Thebushesthattaketheplaceofgrassontheseplains。

Kartel—Thewooden—bedfastenedinanox—wagon。

Kloof—Aravine。

Kopje—Asmallhillock，or\"littlehead。\"

Kraal—Thespacesurroundedbyastonewallorhedgedwiththornbranches，intowhichsheeporcattlearedrivenatnight。

Mealies—Indiancorn。

Meerkat—Asmallweazel—likeanimal。

Meiboss—Preservedanddriedapricots。

Nachtmaal—TheLord’sSupper。

Oom—Uncle。

Outspan—Tounharness，oraplaceinthefieldwhereoneunharnesses。

Pap—Porridge。

Predikant—Parson。

Riem—Leatherrope。

Sarsarties—Food。

Sleg—Bad。

Sloot—Adrywatercourse。

Spook—Tohaunt，aghost。

Stamp—block—Awoodenblock，hollowedout，inwhichmealiesareplacedtobepoundedbeforebeingcooked。

Stoep—Porch。

TantorTante—Aunt。

Upsitting—InBoercourtshipthemanandgirlaresupposedtosituptogetherthewholenight。

Veld—Opencountry。

Velschoen—Shoesofundressedleather。

Vrijer—Availableman。

Contents。

Chapter1。I。ShadowsFromChild—Life……

TheWatch。

ThefullAfricanmoonpoureddownitslightfromtheblueskyintothewide，lonelyplain。Thedry，sandyearth，withitscoatingofstuntedkaroobushesafewincheshigh，thelowhillsthatskirtedtheplain，themilk—busheswiththeirlongfinger—likeleaves，allweretouchedbyaweirdandanalmostoppressivebeautyastheylayinthewhitelight。

Inonespotonlywasthesolemnmonotonyoftheplainbroken。Nearthecentreasmallsolitarykopjerose。Aloneitlaythere，aheapofroundironstonespiledoneuponanother，asoversomegiant’sgrave。Hereandthereafewtuftsofgrassorsmallsucculentplantshadsprungupamongitsstones，andontheverysummitaclumpofprickly—pearsliftedtheirthornyarms，andreflected，asfrommirrors，themoonlightontheirbroadfleshyleaves。Atthefootofthekopjelaythehomestead。First，thestone—walledsheepkraalsandKafferhuts；beyondthemthedwelling—house——

asquare，red—brickbuildingwiththatchedroof。Evenonitsbareredwalls，andthewoodenladderthatleduptotheloft，themoonlightcastakindofdreamybeauty，andquiteetherealizedthelowbrickwallthatranbeforethehouse，andwhichinclosedabarepatchofsandandtwostragglingsunflowers。Onthezincroofofthegreatopenwagon—house，ontheroofsoftheoutbuildingsthatjuttedfromitsside，themoonlightglintedwithaquitepeculiarbrightness，tillitseemedthateveryribinthemetalwasofburnishedsilver。

Sleepruledeverywhere，andthehomesteadwasnotlessquietthanthesolitaryplain。

Inthefarmhouse，onhergreatwoodenbedstead，TantSannie，theBoer—

woman，rolledheavilyinhersleep。

Shehadgonetobed，asshealwaysdid，inherclothes，andthenightwaswarmandtheroomclose，andshedreamedbaddreams。Notoftheghostsanddevilsthatsohauntedherwakingthoughts；notofhersecondhusbandtheconsumptiveEnglishman，whosegravelayawaybeyondtheostrich—camps，norofherfirst，theyoungBoer；butonlyofthesheep’strottersshehadeatenforsupperthatnight。Shedreamedthatonestuckfastinherthroat，andsherolledherhugeformfromsidetoside，andsnortedhorribly。

Inthenextroom，wherethemaidhadforgottentoclosetheshutter，thewhitemoonlightfellininaflood，andmadeitlightasday。Thereweretwosmallbedsagainstthewall。Inonelayayellow—hairedchild，withalowforeheadandafaceoffreckles；butthelovingmoonlighthiddefectshereaselsewhere，andshowedonlytheinnocentfaceofachildinitsfirstsweetsleep。

Thefigureinthecompanionbedbelongedofrighttothemoonlight，foritwasofquiteelfin—likebeauty。Thechildhaddroppedhercoveronthefloor，andthemoonlightlookedinatthenakedlittlelimbs。Presentlysheopenedhereyesandlookedatthemoonlightthatwasbathingher。

\"Em！\"shecalledtothesleeperintheotherbed；butreceivednoanswer。

Thenshedrewthecoverfromthefloor，turnedherpillow，andpullingthesheetoverherhead，wenttosleepagain。

Onlyinoneoftheoutbuildingsthatjuttedfromthewagon—housetherewassomeonewhowasnotasleep。

Theroomwasdark；doorandshutterwereclosed；notarayoflightenteredanywhere。TheGermanoverseer，towhomtheroombelonged，laysleepingsoundlyonhisbedinthecorner，hisgreatarmsfolded，andhisbushygreyandblackbeardrisingandfallingonhisbreast。Butoneintheroomwasnotasleep。Twolargeeyeslookedaboutinthedarkness，andtwosmallhandsweresmoothingthepatchworkquilt。Theboy，whosleptonaboxunderthewindow，hadjustawakenedfromhisfirstsleep。Hedrewthequiltuptohischin，sothatlittlepeeredaboveitbutagreatheadofsilkyblackcurlsandthetwoblackeyes。Hestaredaboutinthedarkness。

Nothingwasvisible，noteventheoutlineofoneworm—eatenrafter，norofthedealtable，onwhichlaytheBiblefromwhichhisfatherhadreadbeforetheywenttobed。Noonecouldtellwherethetoolboxwas，andwherethefireplace。Therewassomethingveryimpressivetothechildinthecompletedarkness。

Attheheadofhisfather’sbedhungagreatsilverhuntingwatch。Ittickedloudly。Theboylistenedtoit，andbeganmechanicallytocount。

Tick——tick——one，two，three，four！Helostcountpresently，andonlylistened。Tick——tick——tick——tick！

Itneverwaited；itwentoninexorably；andeverytimeittickedamandied！Heraisedhimselfalittleonhiselbowandlistened。Hewisheditwouldleaveoff。

Howmanytimeshadittickedsincehecametoliedown？Athousandtimes，amilliontimes，perhaps。

Hetriedtocountagain，andsatuptolistenbetter。

\"Dying，dying，dying！\"saidthewatch；\"dying，dying，dying！\"

Hehearditdistinctly。Whereweretheygoingto，allthosepeople？

Helaydownquickly，andpulledthecoverupoverhishead：butpresentlythesilkycurlsreappeared。

\"Dying，dying，dying！\"saidthewatch；\"dying，dying，dying！\"

Hethoughtofthewordshisfatherhadreadthatevening——\"Forwideisthegate，andbroadistheway，thatleadethtodestructionandmanytherebewhichgointhereat。\"

\"Many，many，many！\"saidthewatch。

\"Becausestraitisthegate，andnarrowistheway，thatleadethuntolife，andfewtherebethatfindit。\"

\"Few，few，few！\"saidthewatch。

Theboylaywithhiseyeswideopen。Hesawbeforehimalongstreamofpeople，agreatdarkmultitude，thatmovedinonedirection；thentheycametothedarkedgeoftheworldandwentover。Hesawthempassingonbeforehim，andtherewasnothingthatcouldstopthem。Hethoughtofhowthatstreamhadrolledonthroughallthelongagesofthepast——howtheoldGreeksandRomanshadgoneover；thecountlessmillionsofChinaandIndia，theyweregoingovernow。Sincehehadcometobed，howmanyhadgone！

Andthewatchsaid，\"Eternity，eternity，eternity！\"

\"Stopthem！stopthem！\"criedthechild。

Andallthewhilethewatchkepttickingon；justlikeGod’swill，thatneverchangesoralters，youmaydowhatyouplease。

Greatbeadsofperspirationstoodontheboy’sforehead。Heclimbedoutofbedandlaywithhisfaceturnedtothemudfloor。

\"Oh，God，God！savethem！\"hecriedinagony。\"Onlysome，onlyafew！

OnlyforeachmomentIamprayinghereone！\"Hefoldedhislittlehandsuponhishead。\"God！God！savethem！\"

Hegrovelledonthefloor。

Oh，thelong，longagesofthepast，inwhichtheyhadgoneover！Oh，thelong，longfuture，inwhichtheywouldpassaway！Oh，God！thelong，long，longeternity，whichhasnoend！

Thechildwept，andcreptclosertotheground……

TheSacrifice。

Thefarmbydaylightwasnotasthefarmbymoonlight。Theplainwasawearyflatoflooseredsand，sparselycoveredbydrykaroobushes，thatcrackedbeneaththetreadliketinder，andshowedtheredeartheverywhere。

Hereandthereamilk—bushlifteditspale—colouredrods，andineverydirectiontheantsandbeetlesranaboutintheblazingsand。Theredwallsofthefarmhouse，thezincroofsoftheoutbuildings，thestonewallsofthekraals，allreflectedthefiercesunlight，tilltheeyeachedandblenched。Notreeorshrubwastobeseenfarornear。Thetwosunflowersthatstoodbeforethedoor，out—staredbythesun，droopedtheirbrazenfacestothesand；andthelittlecicada—likeinsectscriedaloudamongthestonesofthekopje。

TheBoer—woman，seenbydaylight，wasevenlesslovelythanwhen，inbed，sherolledanddreamed。Shesatonachairinthegreatfrontroom，withherfeetonawoodenstove，andwipedherflatfacewiththecornerofherapron，anddrankcoffee，andinCapeDutchsworethatthebelovedweatherwasdamned。Lesslovely，too，bydaylightwasthedeadEnglishman’schild，herlittlestepdaughter，uponwhosefrecklesandlow，wrinkledforeheadthesunlighthadnomercy。

\"Lyndall，\"thechildsaidtoherlittleorphancousin，whosatwithheronthefloorthreadingbeads，\"howisityourbeadsneverfalloffyourneedle？\"

\"Itry，\"saidthelittleonegravely，moisteninghertinyfinger。\"Thatiswhy。\"

Theoverseer，seenbydaylight，wasahugeGerman，wearingashabbysuit，andwithachildishhabitofrubbinghishandsandnoddinghisheadprodigiouslywhenpleasedatanything。Hestoodoutatthekraalsintheblazingsun，explainingtotwoKafferboystheapproachingendoftheworld。Theboys，astheycutthecakesofdung，winkedateachother，andworkedasslowlyastheypossiblycould；buttheGermanneversawit。

Away，beyondthekopje，Waldohissonherdedtheewesandlambs——asmallanddustyherd——powderedalloverfromheadtofootwithredsand，wearingaraggedcoatandshoesofundressedleather，throughwhoseholesthetoeslookedout。Hishatwastoolarge，andhadsunkdowntohiseyes，concealingcompletelythesilkyblackcurls。Itwasacurioussmallfigure。Hisflockgavehimlittletrouble。Itwastoohotforthemtomovefar；theygatheredroundeverylittlemilk—bush，asthoughtheyhopedtofindshade，andstoodtheremotionlessinclumps。Hehimselfcreptunderashelvingrockthatlayatthefootofthekopje，stretchedhimselfonhisstomach，andwavedhisdilapidatedlittleshoesintheair。

Soon，fromthebluebagwherehekepthisdinner，heproducedafragmentofslate，anarithmetic，andapencil。Proceedingtoputdownasumwithsolemnandearnestdemeanour，hebegantoadditupaloud：\"Sixandtwoiseight——andfouristwelve——andtwoisfourteen——andfouriseighteen。\"

Herehepaused。\"Andfouriseighteen——and——four——is——eighteen。\"Thelastwasverymuchdrawled。Slowlythepencilslippedfromhisfingers，andtheslatefolloweditintothesand。Forawhilehelaymotionless，thenbeganmutteringtohimself，foldedhislittlearms，laidhisheaddownuponthem，andmighthavebeenasleep，butforthemutteringsoundthatfromtimetotimeproceededfromhim。Acuriousoldewecametosniffathim；butitwaslongbeforeheraisedhishead。Whenhedid，helookedatthefar—offhillswithhisheavyeyes。

\"Yeshallreceive——yeshallreceive——shall，shall，shall，\"hemuttered。

Hesatupthen。Slowlythedulnessandheavinessmeltedfromhisface；itbecameradiant。Middayhadcomenow，andthesun’srayswerepoureddownvertically；theearththrobbedbeforetheeye。

Theboystoodupquickly，andclearedasmallspacefromthebusheswhichcoveredit。Lookingcarefully，hefoundtwelvesmallstonesofsomewhatthesamesize；kneelingdown，hearrangedthemcarefullyontheclearedspaceinasquarepile，inshapelikeanaltar。Thenhewalkedtothebagwherehisdinnerwaskept；initwasamuttonchopandalargesliceofbrownbread。Theboytookthemoutandturnedthebreadoverinhishand，deeplyconsideringit。Finallyhethrewitawayandwalkedtothealtarwiththemeat，andlaiditdownonthestones。Closebyintheredsandhekneltdown。Sure，neversincethebeginningoftheworldwastheresoraggedandsosmallapriest。Hetookoffhisgreathatandplaceditsolemnlyontheground，thenclosedhiseyesandfoldedhishands。Heprayedaloud：

\"Oh，God，myFather，IhavemadeTheeasacrifice。Ihaveonlytwopence，soIcannotbuyalamb。Ifthelambsweremine，IwouldgiveTheeone；butnowIhaveonlythismeat；itismydinnermeat。Please，myFather，sendfiredownfromheaventoburnit。Thouhastsaid，Whosoevershallsayuntothismountain，Bethoucastintothesea，nothingdoubting，itshallbedone。IaskforthesakeofJesusChrist。Amen。\"

Hekneltdownwithhisfaceupontheground，andhefoldedhishandsuponhiscurls。Thefiercesunpoureddownitsheatuponhisheadanduponhisaltar。Whenhelookedupheknewwhatheshouldsee——thegloryofGod！

Forfearhisveryheartstoodstill，hisbreathcameheavily；hewashalfsuffocated。Hedarednotlookup。Thenatlastheraisedhimself。Abovehimwasthequietbluesky，abouthimtheredearth；thereweretheclumpsofsilentewesandhisaltar——thatwasall。

Helookedup——nothingbroketheintensestillnessoftheblueoverhead。Helookedroundinastonishment，thenhebowedagain，andthistimelongerthanbefore。

Whenheraisedhimselfthesecondtimeallwasunaltered。Onlythesunhadmeltedthefatofthelittlemuttonchop，anditrandownuponthestones。

Then，thethirdtimehebowedhimself。Whenatlasthelookedup，someantshadcometothemeatonthealtar。Hestoodupanddrovethemaway。

Thenheputhishatonhishotcurls，andsatintheshade。Heclaspedhishandsabouthisknees。Hesattowatchwhatwouldcometopass。ThegloryoftheLordGodAlmighty！Heknewheshouldseeit。

\"MydearGodistryingme，\"hesaid；andhesattherethroughthefierceheatoftheafternoon。Stillhewatchedandwaitedwhenthesunbegantoslope，andwhenitnearedthehorizonandthesheepbegantocastlongshadowsacrossthekaroo，hestillsatthere。Hehopedwhenthefirstraystouchedthehillstillthesundippedbehindthemandwasgone。Thenhecalledhisewestogether，andbrokedownthealtar，andthrewthemeatfar，farawayintothefield。

Hewalkedhomebehindhisflock。Hisheartwasheavy。Hereasonedso：

\"Godcannotlie。Ihadfaith。Nofirecame。IamlikeCain——IamnotHis。Hewillnothearmyprayer。Godhatesme。\"

Theboy’sheartwasheavy。Whenhereachedthekraalgatethetwogirlsmethim。

\"Come，\"saidtheyellow—hairedEm，\"letusplaycoop。\"Thereisstilltimebeforeitgetsquitedark。You，Waldo，goandhideonthekopje；LyndallandIwillshuteyeshere，andwewillnotlook。\"

Thegirlshidtheirfacesinthestonewallofthesheep—kraal，andtheboyclamberedhalfwayupthekopje。Hecroucheddownbetweentwostonesandgavethecall。Justthenthemilk—herdcamewalkingoutofthecow—kraalwithtwopails。Hewasanill—lookingKaffer。

\"Ah！\"thoughttheboy，\"perhapshewilldietonight，andgotohell！I

mustprayforhim，Imustpray！\"

Thenhethought——\"WhereamIgoingto？\"andheprayeddesperately。

\"Ah！thisisnotrightatall，\"littleEmsaid，peepingbetweenthestones，andfindinghiminaverycuriousposture。\"WhatareyoudoingWaldo？Itisnottheplay，youknow。Youshouldrunoutwhenwecometothewhitestone。Ah，youdonotplaynicely。\"

\"I——Iwillplaynicelynow，\"saidtheboy，comingoutandstandingsheepishlybeforethem；\"I——Ionlyforgot；Iwillplaynow。\"

\"Hehasbeentosleep，\"saidfreckledEm。

\"No，\"saidbeautifullittleLyndall，lookingcuriouslyathim：\"hehasbeencrying。\"

Shenevermadeamistake……

TheConfession。

Onenight，twoyearsafter，theboysataloneonthekopje。Hehadcreptsoftlyfromhisfather’sroomandcomethere。Heoftendid，because，whenheprayedorcriedaloud，hisfathermightawakeandhearhim；andnoneknewhisgreatsorrow，andnoneknewhisgrief，buthehimself，andheburiedthemdeepinhisheart。

Heturnedupthebrimofhisgreathatandlookedatthemoon，butmostattheleavesofthepricklypearthatgrewjustbeforehim。Theyglinted，andglinted，andglinted，justlikehisownheart——cold，sohard，andverywicked。Hisphysicalhearthadpainalso；itseemedfulloflittlebitsofglass，thathurt。Hehadsatthereforhalfanhour，andhedarednotgobacktotheclosehouse。

Hefelthorriblylonely。Therewasnotonethingsowickedasheinalltheworld，andheknewit。Hefoldedhisarmsandbegantocry——notaloud；

hesobbedwithoutmakinganysound，andhistearsleftscorchedmarkswheretheyfell。Hecouldnotpray；hehadprayednightanddayforsomanymonths；andtonighthecouldnotpray。Whenheleftoffcrying，heheldhisachingheadwithhisbrownhands。Ifonemighthavegoneuptohimandtouchedhimkindly；poor，uglylittlething！Perhapshisheartwasalmostbroken。

Withhisswolleneyeshesatthereonaflatstoneattheverytopofthekopje；andthetree，witheveryoneofitswickedleaves，blinked，andblinked，andblinkedathim。Presentlyhebegantocryagain，andthenstoppedhiscryingtolookatit。Hewasquietforalongwhile，thenhekneltupslowlyandbentforward。Therewasasecrethehadcarriedinhisheartforayear。Hehadnotdaredtolookatit；hehadnotwhisperedittohimself，butforayearhehadcarriedit。\"IhateGod！\"hesaid。Thewindtookthewordsandranawaywiththem，amongthestones，andthroughtheleavesofthepricklypear。Hethoughtitdiedawayhalfdownthekopje。Hehadtolditnow！

\"IloveJesusChrist，butIhateGod。\"

Thewindcarriedawaythatsoundasithaddonethefirst。Thenhegotupandbuttonedhisoldcoatabouthim。Heknewhewascertainlylostnow；hedidnotcare。Ifhalftheworldweretobelost，whynothetoo？Hewouldnotprayformercyanymore。Betterso——bettertoknowcertainly。Itwasendednow。Betterso。

Hebeganscramblingdownthesidesofthekopjetogohome。

Betterso！Butoh，theloneliness，theagonizedpain！forthatnight，andfornightsonnightstocome！Theanguishthatsleepsalldayontheheartlikeaheavyworm，andwakesupatnighttofeed！

TherearesomeofuswhoinafteryearssaytoFate，\"Nowdealusyourhardestblow，giveuswhatyouwill；butletusneveragainsufferaswesufferedwhenwewerechildren。\"

Thebarbinthearrowofchildhood’ssufferingisthis：itsintenseloneliness，itsintenseagony。